I haven't showered in days. My hair is dirty. I have acne on both cheeks. The place is a mess. I haven't cleaned the dishes. I look like a monster. I might even be aromatic. What's that smell?
Last night I made Turkey Stock. In the middle of this process I fell asleep on the couch. It cooked for 8 hours. (woops) It was on a slow simmer. When I awoke the windows were coated with steam. There can be no mistake, I smell like turkey.
I was feeling a bit down, laying on the couch with a blanket pulled over my head (it smelled like turkey). And what to my wondering eyes should appear?
Twas the presence of Evil, hell yes, he was here.
I waited, paralyzed. Knock Knock. I ignored it. Then he just walked in. God DAMN-it!!!!
I stared at the wall not hearing a word he was saying descending into a palpable depression realizing that after 7 years of celibacy, I managed to contract a sexually transmitted disease. The kind that won't go away. It's called Evil Surfer Dude.
Springing to life, for a second, realizing this might be a potential blog moment, I snapped his picture, then asked him to leave. (I can't even LOOK at the picture)
Later, I managed to drag myself to the most magical place on earth, Albertsons in Corona Del Mar, for vegetables to finish my soup. I looked like shit. From the corner of my eye I thought I saw my favorite checker, Big John, cutting his eye at me. I walked passed hoping I'd been mistaken... "Hi Char! Are you doing anything for New Years Eve?" He inquired. "Nope." I said. "Ok. I'll be over at 10:00 pm" he replied.
The people in his line laughed. I smiled thinking, I could do worse. With a little dental work and a new hip, he might be alright.
Happy New Year. (Sobs into Chardonnay)