Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Booty Call Update AT LAST!

There was a knock at the door. It was Evil. I answered in a crimson negligee wearing my chestnut hair extensions, which make me look 10 years younger, at least. The sound of smooth jazz filled the air. The lights were dimmed. Votive candles sparkled on every table. The delicious aroma of herb crusted prime rib that drifted in from the kitchen suggested that, oh yea, we were staying in tonight.
a
As soon as I opened the door he swept me into his arms and carried me to the bedroom. I had no idea a Booty Call could change my life. It was fantastic!!!
a
(Throws crack pipe accross room) Let's try again, shall we?

There was a knock at the door. Evil walked in and made a U-turn. “I need to get something from my car” he said. When he returned he had a gift bag containing Christmas presents.

How sweet...

Then this.


And this...
He continued until: Does this mean I have to get HIM something? Another view. (faints)

Evil is the cheapest man I've ever met so why do I have a gift mountain? I had mentioned that I needed a poinsettia and he brought that too. Wha? He's LISTENING to me? This is not Evil, this is an alien.

“Why did you do this and where is your mother ship?” I demanded.

Then he took me to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. Compared to where he USUALLY takes me, it was the Ritz.

We returned to my house, watched a movie and then he left.

Tsk….tsk…you vulgar people (you know who you are and that I love you for it). But saying a thing and doing it are two separate acts.

Below is the gift I got him. It's a shirt. (I mean, I HAD to.)

Not only can I rap, but I can wrap...

And this. It's a $10.00 gift certificate. Whose cheap now? (Hey, quit looking at my hand. I'm NOT a hand model.)

24 comments:

Comedy Goddess said...

I have to know: Is Evil making up for his personal package by laying all of those packages on you? My ex never gave me packages and he had a package that he should have been making up for.

Comedy Goddess said...

I have to know: Is Evil making up for his personal package by laying all of those packages on you? My ex never gave me packages and he had a package that he should have been making up for.

Irish Gumbo said...

To paraphrase from 'Pulp Fiction', that better "be one charmin' muthaf***in' shirt!" (grin)

What's the prob with the hand? It needed to be clean for when you (w)rapped the shirt, no?

Hedgie said...

hrummmph

You get presents. All I get is "You wouldn't mind making 200 of those little lemon and lime tarts, would you? Of course not." If you look for me, I'll be slaving away over a hot tart.

LL said...

Well... you certainly raked in the booty. You probably should make the booty call more often!

Lilly's Life said...

Oh my I guess I found the most disturbing part of this that he bought gifts for himself from you? I am now, of course, dying to see what he got. On face value it looks good but is he a control freak by chance? One bow and two bows....And I think you got him enough, considering he bought himself some as well. Do you think Santa got him a personality transplant and that really he is a changed man?

Merry Christmas to you and you had almost convinced me to go out and get chestnut hair extensions too....

Braja said...

Mmmm....presents.

Is that him in the photo below?

Mike said...

Maybe Evil was visited by 3 ghosts early this year. You might want to break out the crimson negligee from the box of moth balls.

Simplicity said...

HOL LEE! If my ex would show up with gifts like that, I might answer his call! ;) KIDDING!

Let us know what he bought you!! :)

Simplicity said...

Oh yeah...did I mention that my ex-husband's name is Clay? Haven't seen that name in a while...eep!

BlueEyedWonder said...

LOLOLOL....Love it Charmaine! I know there's an ending to this somewhere...but you left me wanting more!
Have a Merry Christmas girl! :)

Charmaine said...

No. That is NOT him in the photo below. hee hee. That photo is my friend Chris from college.

Frankly, Chris is better looking then Clay.

If ya wanna see clay click back to July or April.

My girlfriend thinks he looks like Satan.

Last Place Finisher said...

Clay?

Who the heck has a name like "Clay?" Is he putty in your hands? Might as well date someone named "Ace."

I'm sorry but date a guy named Clay and you get what you get. Cheesecake Factory was a gift from a smiling angel who felt sorry for you. Lucky he didn't take you to one of those trucks that sell tacos to construction workers.

Clay.... hremph... cough ...

Shakespeare's Housekeeper said...

Hello Misses!
I'll be bloody lucky if i get a new potato peeler... i think the novelty of lots of presents wears off when you get married!
I can't believe you are asked (or should that be told) to open them all in a particular order... i too can't wait to find out what you got.
i need to blog, but up to my eyes in it at the moment.
I will post something in the next couple of days, honest!
Love ya.
SH xxxxx
Happy Christmas!

Michele said...

Wow! I'm speechless. Why is it I get the feeling he wants something?

Merry Christmas. Let us know what was in all the packages.

Charmaine said...

Comedy Goddess - You really ARE a Comedy Goddess!!! I believe the man does NOT know. Incredible.

Irish - It's a $40.00 shirt. Nice but cheap, like Evil.

Hedgie - You all slave over hot tarts.

LL - For a woman with no booty, I've got booty.

Lilly, Yes, he IS a control freak. How did you KNOW???? I was doing laundry once and he pushed me aside and actually did it himself. He could not abide to watch me throw in shirts that were inside out or fail to fluff each piece before placing in the dryer. I was okay with it cuz it meant I didn't have to do it.

Mike - We don't know what is actually IN those packages yet.

Simplicity - I will. I've never dated a Clay before. I don't think I like them.

Blue Eyed Wonder - I wish it WOULD end.

Last Place - ANOTHER comedian. hee hee. Clay is like that which has been in the kiln too long. The only way make him change is throw him against the wall. Then, he falls apart.

Shakespeare - You already have the best present of all...hubby.

Michelle - He ALWAYS wants something. It don' mean he gonna git it, fo sho.

PaulsHealthblog.com said...

Maybe all of those gifts still have the price tags, and you can return them and get something you really want! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Anyway, Merry Christmas to you and yours.

adventure grrl said...

Thanks for reading my rant... things have been UGH, drama in my world. But your comment cheered me up. So true.

Were any of those good gifts???? Hope so. Merry Christmas.

Ann's Rants said...

That is bizarre. As is chipped beef. So curious to see what you unwrapped. I have my doubts...

Braja said...

Merry Xmas gorgeous...hope Santa leaves you a big old hunka man :)

Hedgie said...

Here ya go -- a really big Christmas tree. Sorry I couldn't wrap it.

Seasonal Felicitations.

Shonda Little said...

If your friend thinks he looks like Satan and you call him Booty Call, things could not be good.

Fu Manchu Dad said...

In buying gifts for himself from you, I wonder if you'll get the brownie points when he opens them and feigns that you bought them, or will he fall even more in love with himself? Is he then required to date himself?
Thanks for stopping by, hopefully I can increase my posting frequency now that the busy holidays are mostly gone.
Take care,
FMD

Admin said...

http://www.You4Dating.com , is a Profesional Dating Site Visit Site and Find Your Match at:
http://www.You4Dating.com
-------------------------
http://www.You4Dating.com