Saturday, December 6, 2008

Southern Comfort

Still in reprisal mode. I'll get some new material soon, promise.

Southern Comfort is a tall drink of southern man. Oddly, he does not drink. His best side is featured here.

When we spoke I was impressed with his manly voice and endearing Southern accent.

Wanting to impress him with my knowledge of "all things Southern" I mentioned that I had lived in South Carolina for a year. I pointed out that I had asked out Bubba Mactintosh to the Sadie Hawkins dance when I was 13. (...trying for cute here.)

He responded, "WHAT?" "You may talk to a Bubba, you may have lunch with a Bubba but you do not ask OUT a Bubba!

Sensing Bubba's were bad...I replied; "It was more of a science project really. Ya know, to study the indigenous population like say, an Aborigine in Australia."

"Huh?" he responded. "You went out with a Bubbarigone?"

I liked him immediately.

We met for dinner where I realized that some people are best enjoyed on the phone.

We sat down at the Sushi Bar and my date asked the sushi roller, "What's your name, son?" (Only people from the south talk like that.)

Sushi guy replied, "Eddy." My date replied, "Now I know that's not the name your momma gave you".

"My name is Eddy Kasatoba buta mosta people call me "Casanova"; sushi guy said.

Casanova, looked at me and asked, "what you name?" I said, "Charmaine". "Ewe you Chow Mein ha ha. " The manager buzzed in to my left ear and said, "No! You cha-ming ha ha". (charming)

Casanova and the Manager did not leave my presence for the entire date. Not for a split second. They invaded the date completely. Maybe it was because I was speaking Japanese, I know a few insulting phrases (which is no easy task in Japanese). Casanova was teaching me more. At one point my date said something and I replied in Japanese with the equivalent of "Shut up, little boy". Casanova was on the floor. We laughed and laughed...

At the end of the date the manager presented me with the bill. "Japanese twadition, lady get biwl" he said.

Those crazy Japanese.

Later driving home, there appeared to be something slightly "off" with Southern Comfort. He played Country Music in his BMW and sang so LOUDLY that I had to say, "Um. Could you please lower your voice?" I mean, the man was literally screaming.

He said something about making a record. He was a wealthy investor. I've met more a few of these guys with tons of money and too much time on their hands because they don't work. These fellas sometimes think because they inherited tons of money it indicates they have talent. Sadly, the ones who make records, invent things or write books, never do.

We drove back to his house so that he could show me his "invention". The only reason I agreed is because he lived one block me.

His invention consisted of a unique treadmill to be used by older people with fractured hips, knee or ankle replacement surgery who were in rehab. I expected it to have additional safety features, handles and padding.

The treadmill was your run of the mill treadmill except instead of having a smooth surface to walk upon the surface simulated the haphazard uneven cobble stone street of a third world nation.

"So you're trying to kill the old bastards?" I said? At the very least, one of them will break an ankle" I said.

"No, it's meant to strengthen their ankles" he said.

Proving, yet again, my theory.

Nagisa Sushi
Corona Del Mar, CA
Okay. Run, don't walk, to Nagisa in Corona Del Mar. See "Casanova". Tell him "Chow Mein" sent you. Ask him (for me) if he is single. I had a great time with the staff and sushi makers. I even took their pictures with my date's iphone.

I had Tataki and my date had 6 orders of yellow tail. See pic above...he's got places to put it. Then we had baked yellow tail CHEEK which was...er....good once you got past the weird bones.

12 comments:

P.O.M. said...

Next!

Charmaine said...

You funny.

Michelle J said...

So, do these guys wait on line for you!!! Like in a bakery, you take a number and when your number is called you decide what you want and how much of it??

So your like a bakery, and you are the pastries!!!

OK, i'll stop now!!!

JIMSIGHT said...

Pastries and a G String....LOL...oops...sorry...couldn't resist that one. You know the Tom Waits song?

Now why would B want to beat me up?

Peut-être si vous avez donné n'importe quel de votre attention à vos dates et pas le personnel les fins pourraient être meilleures, juste une pensée.

Charmaine said...

Michelle,

While an 80 year old neighbour once described me as a cup cake am, in fact, not a pastry.

It's this on line dating phenomenon. I put up a profile ages ago and they like they say, build it and they will come. If you did it, the same thing would happen.

Charmaine said...

Jim,

Briana pretty much wants to beat up everyone these days, even me.

hee hee.

What is this pastries and a g-string you mention?

JIMSIGHT said...

Its actually Pasties and a G string, a song by Tom Waits. I was being my usual smart ass self and throwing it in with MJs comment.

Oh I think she wants to scrap with your mom, but you would do.

Michelle J said...

Charmaine,
You think they will come to me?? I doubt that but thanks anyway!!

So whats wrong with being a pastry in this thing we call life?? Sweet, soft and tasting mighty fine!!!

What you up to tonight?? Me?

I ate!!!

Charmaine said...

Michelle,

Of course they will come the moment you show the slightest interest silly girl.

I'm feeling sad tonight. The Vern came over to hook up my computer afer my carpet was installed. Pathetic attempts to re-connect did not work. It was like talking to a stranger.

I hate that.

Simplicity said...

I'm just playing catchup on your recaps and I'm friggin' dying over here!

I keep looking at your picture and wondering how the heck nobody has proposed to you on day 1 yet? Or perhaps somebody has??

Charmaine said...

Simplicity,

I've been proposed to but mostly by men who were, or were about to become, unemployed. hee hee

JIMSIGHT said...

Hey I was in no way ready to propose...LMAO...