Sunday, January 4, 2009

Pick My Next Date

We have a new rule. I have awarded myself veto power. It's not that I don't trust you. I do. Completely. If you told me to jump off a bridge, I would. Really. I said that one of the rules (for you) was; "you cannot fail to select a man". But I can veto them all.

This makes me a hypocrite. I admit I have a "problem" with rules. In order to "make amends" (it's one of the steps) you may now cast the vote: None of the Above.

Another thing about me, I bought Kielbasa. Don't tell. If you do, I'll deny it. (I'm a food snob, remember?) I'll probably throw it in the trash. I always do. I am attached to the belief that with enough sauteed onion, potato and cabbage this Midwestern comfort food will...comfort me. It never does.

Another thing about me, I can't learn. Every year or so, I'll buy Kielbasa expecting a different result.

Bachelor # 1.

Occupation: Unknown (If you vote for this one I'll never speak you again.)

Profile: Thanks for checking out my profile, I am a energetic type who is always on the go and do not care for idle time. I am very easy going, easy to get along with and laid back. Good communication is important me. I love music and I am a drummer in a classic rock band. I live a little on the dangerous side, anything that makes my heart race I like. If you like the ocean that is a big plus in my book. I visit Catalina often for spearfishing and scuba diving and feel more comfortable in the water than out of the water. I am a self motivating person who loves to laugh and be around uplifting people. I also enjoy a challenge. I am looking for a long term relationship, someone that has goals and dreams. Someone who likes to travel,is outgoing and has a big heart. I am an open book so if want to know something about me just ask.
Bachelor # 2

Occupation: Project Manager

Profile: i am an easy going laid back guy, i like to spend time with friends or go play...i often go surf when the waves are good, go cross country mountian bike riding or hang out at my place playing guitar... i like tattoos and have a few of my own and i sometimes take my motorbike out for a blast..i am more comfortable in a pair of shorts than in a suit...would like to meet a woman with similar interests.

Bachelor #3.

Occupation: Tour Operator.

Profile: Engineer, love to travel, generous, like to help a good cause... There is only one shot at life and I like to make the best of it in great company! I enjoy winter sports, water sports, air sports. I am creative, innovative, self employed and been that way for over 15 years now. I design + manufacture a flying machine. I also teach and give rides... Fun work!

PS: After giving this guy tons of unsolicited "career advice" he may no longer interested. Men don't like know-it-alls. I'm right until proven wrong. Yes I am. Don't think so? Prove it. My speciality includes, but is not limited to, topics about which I know nothing. I have a total of 19 stiches. Now you know enough to marry me.
Bueller? Bueller...Bueller? Anyone?

Note to self: Moving forward, try to remain mysterious.


The Panic Room said...

#3 seems like a wiener but if we HAVE to pick I say him.

#2 anyone that mentions they have tattoos in their bio is a ding dong. It means he probably has a tribal arm band and thinks it makes him interesting.

Yeah. you know I am changing my vote to #1 because that will be a much funnier blog.

I still owe you a break-up letter. Man I suck. I will get to it one day.

Lilly's Life said...

1. Unless you are a Mermaid he is out.

2. Could you possibly introduce him to No 1? They have way too much in common not to find each other.

3. Oh I was about to pick No 3 when you kind of ruled him out. Sure he is too young? A flying machine, kind of takes my fancy.

No, I think at this point I would choose the Kielbasa as your best option. I don't really know what it is but when you described it as comfort food that's all I needed to know.

You can have it any way you like I take it with whatever garnish you want? Yep, its my choice.

Hedgie said...

Is filled with nothing but mutant carp?

#1 --"I . . . feel more comfortable in the water than out of the water."

Enough said. Unless you like to wrinkle up.

#2 -- Anyone who cannot find the shift key to capitalize the pronoun "I" is either (a) terminally lazy or (b) suffering from a severe inferiority complex (i. e., "i'm not significant enough to rate a captial i.") In either case, run like the wind.

#3 -- Well, you've already scared him off by you own admission, so why vote for him?

"Now you know enough about me to...marry me." Whoa there!!! We've got to settle who's going to provide your dowry and bride-price. I mean, obviously you're quite squeezable (why else would Mr. Whipple have spent all those years telling us, "Please don't squeeze the Charmaine?), but I need assurance that I'm going to get the dozen goats, too.

Briana said...

Hedgie, how did you know that we used to call her Charmin? I've always had more to squeeze than her, but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, my vote is #3. You may THINK you have scared him off, but that's not necessarily true. Do you really know everything!

SSP said...

yeah, i am with briana, and hedgie, i rarely, if ever use the shift key :-) oops, there i just did. #1, I don't trust guys who don't show you their eyes, in general - #2, seems nice and average and normal, but i bet it would be a boring blog, and #3 well you can't see his eyes, but he is obviously up in the air and has a helmet on, so there is an element of danger there that appeals to me......go for it, Charmin. Mr. Whipple would approve said...

I'm no food connoisseur. So what in the world is Kielbasa?

But maybe that's your best option here.

Hedgie said...

Kielbasa in all its glory.

bernthis said...

Number two. You really want to show up at a party with number 3 and talk about his flying machine all night? /and number one- sounds like if he gets enough beer in him you'll be the fish he ends up spearing.

SSP said...

I have similar "can't bring myself to eat it" issues with black eyed peas. I buy a can almost every year, (apparently it is a southern tradition to eat black eyed peas and cabbage on new years day to bring good luck). I can't stand cabbage and have never managed to actually open the cans, so perhaps that explains my annual bad luck? I usually end up donating the can to food bank around thanksgiving......

Hedgie said...

Black-eyed peas, yes, but not cabbage as a requirement, as least not so far as I've ever heard, having lived in the Deep South for, oh, a really long time now.

I also forgot to vote. I'm with those who picked the kielbasa. And you don't have to have cabbage with your kielbasa, either; there are alternatives.

LL said...

Heh, heh, heh...

So all I have to do to get you to never speak to me is vote for number 1? Damn... that is tempting...

Once again... None of the Above.

#1 Definitely has the pointing thing down, but...

#2 Another surfer? No... no more surfers for you.

#3 Designs and manufactures flying machines = will die in a spectacular crash someday from catastrophic failure.

None of the Above.

lady jicky said...

I have just found your blog and I do think you are very game!
So, I read them all and here is my opinion for what its worth -

No1 - No. He is a liar. He does all that and he is that fat? Huh!

No.2 No. Did you see that shiney ironed shirt! I don't care what he says, he is gay!

No. 3 OK - go with this guy . Look at it this way, if he turns out to be a dud those guys that do paragliding are always falling out of the sky. End of problem!

b luis grey said...

I vote for 3. free ride on his parafanchute thingy majigger. sail away with the wind.

echidna girl said...

oh yeah - get that free ride with #3. Other than that..not so much on any of the above.

Michele said...

Well, I was going to go with #1 just to screw with you but I'm not that cruel.

#2 is a project manger. Do you realize how controlling and driven those guys are? I'd probably kill him for you? Laid back my ass.

#3 Engineer = anal retentive. Could his flying machine be a metaphor for something else?

So my answer is none of the above unless you can get free flying lesson out of #3.

My guys like their Kielbasa baked on top of their scalloped potatoes. Mystery meat and potatoes you can't go wrong.

Comedy Goddess said...

#3 is maybe ok. #1 is too fat to be that energetic. #2 is lazy. This thing is like trolling through seaweed at low tide.I don't blame you for being at a loss to make a decision. Let's go on a trip to Sweden or something. Those guys are hot.

Irish Gumbo said...

My dear, perhaps you don't like kielbasa because you haven't yet had it fixed makes a great gumbo, for example ;)

#1: Out. Occupation unknown, wants to meet someone with goals and dreams - he's looking for a sugar momma (not that you aren't sweet)

#2: Out. I have to go with PPR re: tattoo (excellent insight, Ryan!) and Michelle's assessment re: project manager types. Michelle knows what she is talking about (and so do I. Trust me, I used to be a project manager. ;) I got cred!)

#3:Okay, if we must. Still, he was concise, interesting photo, seems to enjoy what he does (very important).

As to your link question -
If in Blogger: Copy (ctrl C) the link address (http:// or whatever), highlight the words of text you want to act as the embed, and click the 'link' button (the little chains icon) while in the Blogger 'Compose' screen. When the dialogue prompt comes up asking what you want to link, paste (ctrl V) the address into the bar, click okay and the highlighted text should know show up as linked.

You can also do this in Microsoft Word, under the Insert tab, Link.

Good luck and let me know how it goes! :)

High Desert Diva said...

None of the above.

#1 & and no

#3...flying machine? What it doesn't have a name?

no...just no

Fu Manchu Dad said...

I'd have to say none of the above.
1. Occupation unknown=occupation nonexistent.
2. Another laid back surfer. As the others stated, project managers usually wouldn't know laid back if it bit them in the ass.
3. Guys who take pictures of themselves flying are usually not as good at it, therefore the proof that they do, so they don't have to show you.
As for you non-taste bud folks, black-eyed peas, cabbage and kielbasa should be eaten often and with gusto. Delicious, delicious, delicious.
Take care

Tammy said...

HEY!!! I'm laid back! Ask anybody who knows me!!

I am an engineer, currently working as a project manager by the way.

I don't know. I was sort of leaning toward #2 until I read what everybody else had to say. I mean, at least he looks somewhat normal. Although, he is dressed like a tool.

I don't like #3's picture. Seriously? The only picture you have is one of you flying? Or, that is the only way we will believe that you actually do it?

I would choose #3, but only if you get to go for a ride in his magnificent flying machine.

Shakespeare's Housekeeper said...

Look at you missis!
Congrats on the one minute day, one day it will be mine..
You are clever.
Re; the choices-
is there an option 4?

Can you send me your url and website addy? I can't seem to get a link for your blog to add to my favourites.
Thanks for the writers questions- i haven't published them, because i don't want him to read them before i talk to him!

SH xxxx

Mama Dawg said...

#3 for me. Just cause the other two are not quite....hell, I don't know.

Chef E said...

Oh I like your blog...found you...and I would have a hard time picking...because are people really honest in their 'bios'...I knew a guy for two years as a client, quiet and shy...but he turned out to be the wild love of my life and an I say the quiet ones are good...

Mike said...

Hey I don't think we can do any better. Where do you find these guys. #1 woo boy. #2 the lower case i's scream low self esteem. You could abuse the crap out of him, #3 if you want a rush.

Hey what happen to all our profiles?

Beans said...

Bachelor#1 - HELL NO
Bachelor#2 - Yes, please. I have a weakness for salt & pepper hair. I have also worked with a few PMs who were not controlling. Please give him a chance. I want to know where the tattoos are.
Bachelor#3 - Yes, please again. My vote is split. What the heck are air sports?

Michelle said...

Charmaine, my girlie crush i sense i am losing you to the rest of the blog world. Are my senses correct??

#1...What is he pointing at and why??? When a photo of yourself is taken where you feel the need to point, ummmm NO!!!

#2....i like to spend time with friends or go play..ummm go play WHAT??? NO!!!

#3...Flying machine??? WTF is that? NO!!!



Laurie said...

OMG! Is that it for choices? Have you thought about joining a convent? Maybe instead of door(knob)number 1, 2 or should choose the lovely box that Carol Meryl is standing by?! By the way, in the south, the New Years' good luck tradition is black eyed peas and hog jaw! No, I don't eat them either! Yuk!!

Braja said...

I think you should just stop this and let us pick the selections and have others vote on them. We'll leave you a message on your answring machine telling you who your date is that night. Works for me...

BlueEyedWonder said...

I'm going for **None of the above**

#1-So NOT your type girl. He sounds like all he does is play and no work.

#2-Sure, he may be SAFE but sounds boring.

#3-Don't trust him.

(As for the black eyed peas and cabbage in the south for New Years..definitely not cabbage. It's one of the GREENS that you eat with the black eyed peas and ham(we use ham cuz I ain't eating fatback!!!!)

Comedy Goddess said...

Are you going to be in NY any time soon? some of are getting together. Send me an email. You might meet someone on the plane. What. It could happen.

JIMSIGHT said...

I say go out with all of them at once, maybe rent one of those tour buses or a humer limo...don't forget to bring the Kielbasa with you ya doll..

Last Place Finisher said...

I think you should go out with the guy in your sidebar, the one tied up in a chair.

By the way, if you're eating kielbasa, then you're not eating cabbage, you're eating "kapusta." It tastes better that way.

Ann's Rants said...

I am absolutley no help on the dating front, but Kielbasa? Try it in a white bean and kale soup. I even throw potato chunks in it from time to time. I know CRAZY!

Hedgie said...

Here ya go --90 recipes for kielbasa both with and without cabbage. Far more interesting than #1, #2, and #3 together.

Charmaine said...

Oh folks- How I love you. I don't know you, yet I love you.

The thing is... this IS the cream of the crop of men that email me on the dating website. I've come to expect little more.

Perhaps we need to re-write my profile. Help?

Irish Gumbo said...

I used to do some marketing blurbs for a previous place of employment all "silver tongues and eye candy". Would that help?

I may have some time tomorrow morning, when do you need it?

BlueEyedWonder said...

OMG!! Charmaine!!! It is SO true about them being the cream of the should see who's emailed me!! LOL...I'll have to get some pics posted of these guys!!!
And I found the guy I dated back in March(the 3 mths guy who was racist!!) I'll get his pic up too!!

Oh, and Kielbasa..YUMMMY!!!! I think I'd rather have that then date some of 'em! LOLOLOL

Did I really just say that??!! LOL

Hedgie said...

A guy is only a guy, but a kielbasa is always faithful.

And yummy.

Braja said...

You haven't eaten meat since the veal thing??!! Yay!

You realize of course this means I can kiss you now.

Henry the Dog said...

I have to agree with Lady Jicky. Mum says it's either that or Number 1 - who she reckons could be a serial killer. Number 2 - she says anyone who 'go' do things as much as he is probably not the brightest bulb and for the reasons stated by Lady Jicky is gay. I think you ladies are weird. Us dogs aren't as choosy.

WA said...

Oh, am I too late? Go with the gray haired one. He looks like the one you can most easily fight off, if need be.

Marinka said...

Have you considered lesbianism?

P.O.M. said...

No wonder we're single.

#1. WTF?

#2. Maybe until I read his profile.

#3. Since he said he is generous and likes a good cause, you might have to check this out. Does 'good cause' mean dinner at Banderas?

Chef E said...

Did you decide yet? I sit on the edge of my seat while my friends date...

I have a food site Behind The Wheel Chef

loosecannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
loosecannon said...

We at RUFKM must admit that your blog is pretty damn good as it ACTUALLY HAS A THEME and you are not talking about your rough day at work and your 19 cats. We are now following you. Please feel free to print this comment, bedazzle it with sparkles, frame it, and put it in your front room for the world to admire.


Loose Cannon and the RUFKM Army.

P.S. Buy an F---ing T-shirt.

Da Old Man said...

I'd go with the "None of the Above" option. Did you know Howard Stern had a woman known as the Kielbasa Queen on his show. I met her (surprise--it was in a strip club) and she did some amazing stuff with kielbasa. I never knew you could eat it, too.

Comedy Goddess said...

send me an email when you can. it's on my profile.

Heather said...

OMG! These are your choices? No! No! No!

You need to go to another dating website these are awful. I have nothing to add as everyone has said it for me.

LL said...

Erm... Char? Are you alright? Did you get abducted by one of the dates? We warnt cha... ;)

Hedgie said...

She's run away with the kielbasa and a cabbage. Details on The Food Channel at 11.

Saundra@ItalianMamaGoneCrazy said...

Wait... wait... wait...
I'm new here... came over from Braja's sight...


WHY... WHY...WHY...wait!...

YOU... are having trouble meeting men? Have you seen you?

How about that quake last night huh?

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