I am always 100% certain of the man you will select. I rig the choices in order to force you pick the one I secretly desire. That's what I thought until...
You picked the Kielbasa.
Clearly you can't be trusted (you know I love you for it). You never fail to invent bachelor #4.
Facing my commitment to honor your choice, I developed a nervous tic in my left eye.
At Walmart today, returning Evil Surfer Dude's romantic Christmas presents, the customer service girl implored, "Stop winking at me".
"I'm NOT winking. Didn't you take psychology 100 in High School? It's a neurotic thing. I have problems, the least of which is I have a date with a piece of sausage tonight" I hissed.
"Huh?" she said.
"Just give me a store credit" I responded.
Bachelor #1.) 4 votes.
Bachelor # 2.) 4 votes.
Bachelor # 3.) 9 votes.
Kielbasa: 16 votes.
I cried on the way to Walmart. I cried because I was driving to Walmart. Then I cried because I heard "our song". Vern's and my song. He doesn't know we have a song.
Then I got over it.
This just in: I don't like Kielbasa. It just sits there. He's a slimy bastard, doesn't say a word and won't take me out to dinner no matter how many times I ask.
Shit...we are having an earth quake right NOW. ahhhh. I am serious!!! The house is shaking....
K. I'm alive. It was a small one. I'm waiting for the aftershock ... (faints)