After driving from San Diego, the first thing he said was: "I did not know you would be so skinny".The first thing I thought (but did not say) was: I did not know you would be so short.
Indian Summer asked me a year ago. I was too shy to meet. He contacted me recently out of the blue. I thought, what the heck. It would be fun to see if his ears really did stick out like that.
As soon as we sat down for lunch he described the type of a woman he was looking for, namely, someone who was not needy. He said, based on my skill at pushing men away (after all I'd kept him at bay for a year) that I fit the bill perfectly.
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Then he announced that his “testosterone levels were in decline. “If I MUST perform" he said, "there is always the blue pill”.
Huh? Wha the? Where did that come from????
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For a little Indian humor, click on the links below. Warning, profanity ahead.
14 comments:
that part about "must perform" had me laughing my little tush off. wow. he apparently has no problem with self-disclosure. very comfy with his (lack of) sexuality. and as i said in reponse to the message you left on my blog, i am the 1,000 viewer of your profile. just sayin'...
Behinding my behindside you do be meet my taller cousin in actual flesh for purposes of who knows what kind panky hanky? I be stuck through organ for maintenancing blood pressure with implement for cutting cheese! Our forever gridlock has unlock. Please to be returning bouquet of national flour to my personage. I to be thinking no more of your giblets.
Yours in puddles of falling eye-liquid
Gareethquern Raspellanturgal
Licensed and Bonded Tree Surgeonpersonage
P. S.-ing: You got cute friend maybe interest in foreign medical personage?
Your dates are getting better and better as each post comes alive with the pleasures of crazy men saying all sorts of crazy ass stuff to you!! Where in gods name do you find these fellows??
Fuck, did i just type the word fellows???
Isnt' that like a word my mom would use????
You are a brave woman!
What a nightmare.
I've been sitting here reading about my life on your blog for the past 15 minutes. Somehow, it's funnier when you say it ;)
Dear Catnip, was this Deepok Chopra? LOL...memories...
justsomethoughts...I'm still smarting from knowlege of the fact that you are not Jeff Bridges.
Hedgie, Despite the fact that you may have beome de-smitten with me I think I love you. But then again, I have no idea what you just said.
Michelle, I love ya girl. Let's do drinks.
Diane,if you are indeed living a parallel life...I must hear of it at once.
Jim, Love ya. Can't help it. But sometimes my sister wants to beat you up.
Oh jeez, I forgot Comedy Goddess. You are the bomb. And make no mistake, I'm not really brave...just desperate. hee hee
To Whatever Charmaine It May Concern:
Please do not make the mistake of confusing moi--Hedgie, that is -- with Gareethquern; I am simply serving as intermediary on his behalf in delivering his messages to you and am in no way to be held accountable for his beliefs, opinions, and/or odd behavior. I, for one, would never dream of sending a corpseflower bouquet to an object of my affection -- well, okay, once -- oh, all right, twice, but the second time was under duress. In any event, I believe him to be more than a tad fickle and easily disenchanted; I, contrariwise, am firm and steadfast in my attachments, and hence remain -- unlike the aforementioned Gareethquern -- unswerving and devout in my admiration of your giblets.
Respectfully Submitted for Your Consideration,
Hedgie (neither foreign nor a medical personage)
P. S.: At the risk of violating a confidence, Gareethquern has mentioned to me in private correspondence that he is finding himself more and more frequently turning in his thoughts to the designs and locations of MichelleJ's tattoos as well as her acerbically foreright nature and wonders if she might be interested in a short foreign medical personage. (sigh -- I do wish he would get over his shyness and communicate in personage.)
Beat me up? BWAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! Sometimes? hmmm, sometimes is good, right?
Anyone want a Kaluaha and milk? Hey where's my rug?
Hedgie,
Stop. I can't take it anymore. Ha ha.
But of course.
Absolutely.
Completely.
Totally.
Utterly.
Thoroughly.
Immediately.
At once.
Now.
At this very moment.
Without delay.
Unhesitantly.
Nevermore.
Devoid of hindrance or let.
Sssshhh!
Mute.
Mum's the word.
Silence is golden.
Kill the mimes.
How'd that get in there?
Null.
Void.
Nought.
Nil.
Nothing.
Zip.
Zero.
Finis
Done.
Over.
Out.
Ten-four.
Hi-Yo, Silver, Awaaaaay!
Hedgie,
Don't stop.
This is, I realize, an "Educating Rita" moment.
Ha! I have witnesses.
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