It comes so easy, effortless really.
I'm good at it.
My date and I strolled to the beach in Corona Del Mar, to climb "the rock". Waves crash against it. It's fun.
When we arrived, it was mayhem. I've never seen so many people.
It was difficult to reach the rock this time. Swirling tides made it challenging to reach without getting slammed by walls of water that circled around it. You had to time your approach.
After reaching our position on top, the surf became more violent. I screamed.
"I think we should go" I said.
"Don't be silly. We're fine." he replied.
Another wave crashed with such force, I shrieked. I noticed the escape route below dissolve into a churning cauldron of water.
A helicopter began to circle above.
Are they circling over US?" I queried.
"No. They're looking for a wayward swimmer." He replied.
I smiled and waved at the helicopter apparently communicating, "Help me Sweet Jesus".
A yellow rescue boat appeared.
Gazing at the beach below I noticed life guards rushing toward us.
"Oh My God" I said. "It's a three-pronged rescue. They've got us by air, land and sea. We must really be in trouble."
A lifeguard yelled, "Get down!!!" (I was shaking now.)
"JUMP NOW!!!!" he screamed... convincing me death was imminent. I did so as a wall of water came around knocking me to my knees onto the jagged rocks. "Please God," I thought, "Don't let my hair extensions get wet."
The senior lifeguard (in black shorts) said authoritatively, "We received four (4) 911 calls about you.
"Sensing there might be a "bill" in our future my date apologized. (Sometimes they charge you for 911 calls.)
We walked home, drenched. A man pulled his car to the side of the road and rolled down his window. "I was one of the people who called 911". I'm a retired police officer currently working for the Department of Home Land Security," he said. (I started laughing)
"You were about to be airlifted by helicopter," he said. (I had to turn my head)
I wanted to say, "Please don't call 911 again, not unless you're trying to kill me".
I just want to confess for the record. I did it. I'm guilty. Put me in the cell adjacent to Michael Jackson. Woops. I forgot he's dead.
I always forget these things.
My crime? I told my 10 year old nephew about the time I met Chuck Norris.
I told him "Chuck" was short and a total pansy.
Now my little nephew is literally devastated.
He calls me all the time. "Auntie Charmaine, Chuck Norris is NOT a pansy" he says.
He called me tonight. "Chuck is NOT a pansy" he said.
"Well he's short", I replied.
(Click) Did a child just hang up on me?