Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Crazy

There really IS something wrong with my mother.

I think she has Alzheimer’s. It’s just happening. (Or she’s faking) She’s losing her memory, which looks good to me. I wish I could.

See, my mother was not a good mother. She was pretty nasty. Okay, she bordered on evil. No one sees this. Strangers like her. She can be charming. Her children don’t like to correct her in public because…we actually WANT to pretend she’s normal.

But my sisters and I remember. She began calling me a whore when I was 14.

I can still see her on the phone pretending she was calling an orphanage saying, “Yes, you can pick up Charmaine, Erin and Briana tomorrow”. I was five (5) years old.

My little sisters were grabbing her legs and sobbing. I ran to an alternate phone and returned exclaiming,” She’s lying. She lying."

We all have angst growing up. I get that. BUT…my little sister is in therapy to learn how to deal with our mom.

My other sister tried to kill herself. She called me first. (I was long gone .) My baby sister had to deal with the blood, razor blades and ambulance.

I’m not talking minor problems…they were major.

Put the oxygen mask on yourself" then help the children. That's what I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuJl1T-trLw

8 comments:

Michele said...

No, you never get over it. You bring it with you no matter how deep you bury it. I'm sorry to hear that your childhood was so painful.

Mrs. K said...

Holy crap...I never attempted anything- my mom (a former beauty queen) much preferred the single life (my parents divorced when I was 1) to the single mom life. My life was crazy growing up but basically because I had to learn to navigate life on my own early on- oh how many times did she say 'life would be so easy without you!'...but me? i was like you- i fucked with her mind back and was hell bent on having a much better life (and being a better mother) than she ever did/was-

that's my baggage- but I don't talk to her anymore- not since I was like 20. my life got much easier once I wrote her off (on the suggestion of my therapist, my dad and my family).

Ok - where do I send payment? ;)

Charmaine said...

Hedgie,

Don't give me crap. I'm not in the mood tonight.

Of course I'm stupid. Let me put some bandages on my wounds. I'll be up in no time.

Don't kick me when I'm down. Or give me your address, I have a Malatof (No idea how to spell that) with your name on it.

I don't even know what it is. But I'm certain I will like it. Is it a bottle? You put gasoline in it and a rag and...

Charmaine said...

Ha ha. Michelle, it wasn't that bad. I'm just being, I dunno, weak.

Mrs. K.- I think I really dig you. We are survivors. That's all. It's no big thang. Good for you. You to say, "no" to a parent who was not good.

It takes courage my friend. Allow me to have feelings of awe for you, just for a minute. Okay. It's over now. :-)

The Peach Tart said...

I have empathy for you. My Dad left before I was born, Mama was 17 and bi-polar. I've seen her in a jealous rage knock women off bar stools, put sugar in a woman's gas tank and one of her boyfriends shot himself in front of me. Whacked. Lots of therapy later....I cope, I keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I can't say it didn't have a major effect on me. Big hugs to you.

Kimberly said...

Sorry your mom sucks so bad. Maybe her memory (brain) can be replaced with a new one maybe she can get a new heart too.

PaulsHealthBlog.com said...

Your post reminds me of the quote,

"Be nice to everyone you meet, for they may be fighting a great battle."

Thanks for sharing, Charmaine.

Paul

Eat Well. Live Well.
PurpleGreenPops.com

SweetPeaSurry said...

I'm confused, shouldn't your mother be in therapy as opposed to your sister?

Jeez, I'll adopt you into my family. My mom's crazy ... but she's funny crazy. Not knife wielding crazy.

I love ya dollface!