Sunday, April 5, 2009

Men in Trees



I had another date with “The King of Produce”.

We met for drinks and sushi. There were several martinis.

As we went to leave he started climbing trees in the parking lot. Two (2) trees to be exact. Men have advised I make them feel young again but this was ridiculous.

My cousin says there is Testosterone in my saliva.

After kissing me I think men simply try to get away.

A strange man emerged from the darkness like an errant fan. He gazed adoringly at my date perched 12 feet above him in the tree. (Why isn't there a film crew following me?) The man returned to his car to produce a small dog that he wanted to introduce to my date. You know, the man IN THE TREE!

What the HELL? As my cousin says, “you can’t make this shit up”.

The following day my date sent me the picture of the nuns which made me laugh out loud.

A couple of days later he advised he was conducting a command performance in a Magnolia tree outside a local restaurant and would I like to join him? Sigh. I said, "no" I've already seen this act.

34 comments:

septembermom said...

That could have been a submission for a show like "America's Funniest Dating Home Videos". I enjoyed dropping by your blog! Looks like you have some interesting adventures to share. Thanks for commenting on my blog too! I'll be back to visit.

Mrs. K said...

is that your date on the first picture? bald men are weird- I know I married one.

Mrs. K said...

Hey don't despair...at 38, with a child, I had NEVER been married (talk about being the whore of a catholic family!) and I finally had given up when lo and behold I met my now husband....the bald one. We met, 5 months later we married. We've only been married about 17 months but we haven't killed each other and that in itself is a feat for me.

Don't give up...there is hope for everyone especially if I got married!

Ann's Rants said...

I got a little nervous with the random stranger bit, but all in all doesn't sound half bad. Especially the making out like teenagers! I'd give anything not to make out like old married people (especially given the fact we're young!)

Mike said...

You sure can pick them.

kate said...

how can i say it, men never grow up!!! I used to date older men, but now they are too old to date.
ck out my new blog and old one too
kate

Jen said...

Sounds like a fun night out! Doing it again soon?

cw2smom said...

After a recent breakup with the one that I swore was "the one" I've been on a couple of dates with an old friend who lost his wife about 13 months ago to a sudden stroke. "The one" was emotionally unavailable. The "Old Friend" is thoroughly available and very affectionate. The one was only affectionate during "the act" of lovemaking. Obviously, an act. I told Old Friend to slow down, that I wasn't going anywhere, and to not be so damn frantic! The poor man is suffering as I have only let him kiss me on the cheek!! Making out in the parking lot sounds fun, but he too would probably be so excited he'd end up in a tree like a monkey too! LOL! Slow down there girlfriend!! LOL, Lisa

LL said...

You made out with him again? What happened to your vow to never do that again? *sigh*

Charm, Charm, Charm... whatever are we going to do with you? ;)

Charmaine said...

People,

How I love you guys. I have only three (3) things to say:

A. They say that menopause decreases a womens...uh...er, you know.

B. It's not true.

C. I was basiclly frigid up until a couple of weeks ago.

D. I mean four (4) things to say. If kissing is my biggest crime combined with the fact that I was on a date with a man who climbed two trees after making out with me....seriously...I wish I WISH I had taken my video camera. It was NOT to be believed.

The making out was so, um, ya know, that the next day I noticed one of my hair extensions in the door jam of my passenger seat. Yea, I don't remember being over there. hiccup.

LyN said...

sounds like a super duper hilarious nite out!! :)

Joanie M said...

Well, it sounds like you're having fun to me!

webberpa said...

I dont get the whole climbing tree thing; is that a metaphor, or did he actually climb a real tree? It is too early on a Monday morning for me to understand these things. Dating has changed since I last went out, I am glad I am married now. And why did he do such a thing?

SweetPeaSurry said...

At least he hasn't invited himself out to the 'sun-shaded glade for naughty tryst'!

ugh ... I had some loonies get in touch with me via POF ... some hotties too though.

*sighs*

Vodka Mom said...

He climbed a tree?? As long as the sparks were flying, i guess it could be worse.......

and he likes martinis? he's in.

Michele said...

So your date went tree climbing in a suit after making out with you in the car like a teenager? Did he pay? If so, all's good! LOL!

Venom said...

It has been a while since you posted; I was starting to worry maybe you were a sex slave somewhere...

HealthNutWannaBeDad said...

Maybe in his former life, the King of Produce was a monkey.

Paul

Eat Well. Live Well.
PurpleGreenPops.com

P.S. Hair extensions?

Scandalous Housewife said...

The entire after-the-makeout session has a giant WTF! Don't you have a camera on your phone? You had a gold mine on your hands, girl!

French Fancy said...

At least he wasn't dull and you weren't bored!

Char said...

Hey, at least he's agile! That can become very important as you progress through "middle age" dating. (You have a ceiling fan over your bed?) Possibilities are off the charts!

Annie said...

It has to be true because it's just too freakin' weird to make up. LOL funny stuff!

High Desert Diva said...

Just swapped some spit with my hubby to see if I had any tetosterone in my salvia....he didn't climb a tree, so I guess not.

Evidently, we just share a name, not superhuman (spit) powers.

Dammit.

Colorado?

cameronsharpe said...

Your story was extremely touching. Your expressiveness demonstrates what an incredible connection you had with this other person and I can sympathize and relate to every word.

Da Old Man said...

Incredible. Can't think of anything else to say.

HumorSmith said...

Ummm...treemendous experience? Your date branched off on the way to the car? He wanted you to leaf him alone?

Maybe he's a treesexual.

Seeker said...

if for nothing more, i am sticking around to see what happens next...trees??? what could he have done if there had been a bulldozer near by? waiting to see...

and i agree..womens "urges" do not subside with menopause...they get deeper

Lisa said...

Oh my word. The King of Produce sounds like a hoot! He must be a good kisser if you didn't run away when he climbed the tree. Right?

Tammy said...

He climbed a tree?? Seriously? I thought that I had heard it all before this!

So, was there some story about how much he enjoyed climbing trees as a young prince of produce or just unannounced tree climbing? Too weird.

Never a dull moment... LOL!

Hedgie said...

Learn to speak to your man.

SSP said...

not going all homo on you or anything (not that there is anything wrong with that) but maybe I need some of your testosterone infused saliva to jump start this "ehhhhh whatever" attitude I have towards men these days....I am not a fan of the King of Produce, but hey, at least you are OUT there!!!

Michelle said...

Hey girlie,
Climbing tree's is fun!!!

♥ Braja said...

Hey, magnolia trees can be fun...get with the program, Char :)

MiddleAgedBabeMagnet said...

Charmaine- You crack me up! How can someone as fun as you have so many weird dates? You'll probably appreciate my blog at http://middleagedbabemagnet.blogspot.com/