Saturday, April 18, 2009


King is that you? Are you reading my blog AGAIN?

Turn back. I'm warning you... It's the rules and, I know you're "the man" and all but 'round these parts I make the rules.

Seriously. Click "close" now. We need to talk about you behind your back.

Go ahead now...Go.

Jeesh. Some people just don't listen.

So, because "change is in the air". I'm doing all sorts of crazy stuff. I decided I wanted the King back and sent him some sappy youtube songs. He responded with some kind of love song.

This post has taken a U-turn. (U-turns are my specialty.) I thought the King was dumping me but It turns out I'm psychotic. I dumped him. I need to lighten up on the drunken stupors.

The King is innocent.

Yup. I found the email. I told him I was waltzing into the sunset. His reply: "I didn't know you could watlz. Can I come? I love sunsets." He said to call him when I'm was free. Holy Shit.

But there IS a back up plan. Afterwhich I may retire.

King if you're still here... You can't just start stealin' my moves. You climb trees, I pull disappearing acts. Like I said, I think I called this wrong. I'm out of my mind. And now we still have an Argentinian to deal with. Oh well.

The Argentinian texted me the moment his plane landed from New York. Then he called. Within 30 minutes he managed to say:

1. I love talking to you, you have a fantastic personality. We were talking about socialized medicine.
2. You are so beautiful. We were talking about his sister who teaches Tango is Switzerland.
3. You have a fantastic body, baby.
We were talking about 1-800-Get Slim billboards. I'd never seen one.

European men have skills. Yea yea I KNOW the guy is from South America. It sounds better that way.

And now Ladies and Gentlemen, let's journey into Charmaine's brain. Join me, won't you? A copywritten feature of this blog.

"I can't believe The King disappeared? (Like I said, I can't apologize enough. I called it wrong. )I liked the bastard.I mean...I still do. I did'nt even get produce. Not even an apple. I think I'm growing a beard. I can't feel my right foot. Is it too late to eat lunch? Do these pants make my butt look fat? As if I HAD a butt. "


Michele said...

It sounds like you need to give the Argentinian a try.

Mrs. K said...

agree with michele-

rule #1 of dating- only date those who are way into you.Ignore those you have to chain to a table in order to get them to pay attention to you.


SSP said...

yeah, i totally misread the title of this post....better luck next time...maybe with the argentinian?

HealthNutWannaBeDad said...

It takes a woman to figure all of this out!



Eat Well. Live Well.

Michelle said...

Ummm, no your butt doesn't look fat in those pants and its never too late for lunch!

Char said...

Shoot! I was waiting to hear what the tree climber would do next. I actually thought you two made quite a couple. Shoot!

High Desert Diva said...

Oh Charmaine.....

getting caught up with you (and the dating saga) again....

what to do....?
a king of produce or a matador?