Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The F Word


These are my nephews. Click on the pictures to enlarge. The kids are adorable. This was the birthday party I threw for myself...I mean for THE CHILDREN.
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See that small man with a dog?
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That's my mother. Her favorite thing to say is, "fuck you". I'm not kidding. Her, only slightly, less favorite thing to say is "go fuck yourself".
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Her excuse is that she claims, "not to fear language". Huh? Wha?
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I admit it's kinda funny coming out of the mouth of a 5-foot leprechaun with a brogue, but still. There are places you can't take her.
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Places you can't take my mother:
1. Outside.
2. Inside.
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I once had a friend home from college. Someone brought up a relative.
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My mother immediately felt compelled to inform her, "Ach sure he was so cheap he wouldn't give you the steam aff his piss".
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My mother's brothers are Psychiatrists. One of them headed the most prestigious Psychiatric Hospital in the Nation. Still, they exhibit the same f-word fascination articulated in better formed sentences.
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The f-word is always there.

48 comments:

Mike said...

Yeah my ex mother in law was full Irish. She swore like a sailor constantly. Hey it's blogging material.

SSP said...

ehhhh fecking mothers...if it's not one thing, it's your mother

hey i have 4 hits on POF - you ARE a goddess....

LL said...

No wonder you don't like football... not nearly as exciting as the family reunion.

Vodka Mom said...

she is fucking great. And you can tell her I said that.

(and I KNOW that will be me some day...)

Jen said...

And she looks so adorable. Could have fooled me!

Shoshana said...

they had so much fun with that party. I dreaded each party I had to do. I am at a loss what to do with parties.

Sarah Lulu said...

Hilarious ...I have actually never heard my Mother swear.

My son was asked recently if he had heard me swear and he said twice!

I'm sure it's more.

Train Wreck said...

What?? You couldn't get on my page?? How bout now? I was wondering about you. LOL your mom, that is too funny. I have never heard my mom say the F word, but we aren't really speaking,? SO she could be. haha Your mom looks like she would keep you on your toes.

Michele said...

Maybe it's an Irish thing? My husband, his brothers, all their combined children all use the F word like it was going out of style.

Is VodkaMom Irish?

Charmaine said...

Train Wreck - This is what it says when I click on you:

The Blogger Profile you requested cannot be displayed. Many Blogger users have not yet elected to publicly share their Profile.

If you're a Blogger user, we encourage you to enable access to your Profile.

ahhh. I need me some train wreck.

Char said...

Hey sometimes its simply the only word that is applicable. I never used it until I was in my late 30s,
but I wasn't very comfortable saying it.
Now, thirty-plus years later, I find many more occasions to use it.
Practice makes perfect, and I find I am quite comfortable with it.

Loving Annie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Loving Annie said...

ha-ha. I kind of like her. because she's not my mother it isn't even slightly embarrassing :)
(Waves middle finger to Charmaine in greeting and laughs hysterically)

LL said...

And here I tried to respond to you Charm, but I see you and TW already have it covered. Try hitting her blog from the link on mine and see if that does it...

webberpa said...

I am just guessing here, does yer mom enjoy a nip o'da bottle now and then? Does it help, or just make her talk more?

Shakespeare's Housekeeper said...

Feckin' great!
Have you ever seen Father Ted? I'll fill you in another time, if not.
My ex Mother in Law was a small irish lady.
God she was AWFUL- i had to call her by her full name, at all times and take my shoes off when i went to visit and put on a pair of nice velvet slipperettes (uuugghhhhh, big shudder).
She never swore, and it's thanks to mothers like yours, my faith in the elderly Irish ladies is restored.
SHxxxxxx

Henry the Dog's Mum said...

Yeah, true Father Ted style. She sounds fooking wonderful.

MichelleJ said...

When you wrote that small man with the dog I am like what the fuck is Charmaine talking about!!

Then I enlarged the photo and realized that the small man is indeed a very adorable woman!!!

I love your mom. FUCK YEAH!!!

And your fucking looking mighty fine there!!!

Joanie said...

My Aunt Anna, at the age of 75 got a bit tipsy at my cousin's wedding. Aunt Anna had been a widow for the better part of 40 years, when a friend of her sister told Aunt Anna she was going to find a nice Irishman for her. Aunt Anna's reply? "I don't want no Irishman! All they ever want to do is drink and fuck." You could hear a pin drop. Then the place exploded in laughter!

Comedy Goddess said...

I fucking love that kind of mom.

My mom is barely 5ft tall and I would call her a little man too, if I didn't care about living to see tomorrow.

Mark said...

You Mom must be a hoot ... for the first few minutes. Sounds like a fun family.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I know I would like your mom! My mum had a saying - You can take me anywhere. You just daren't take me back, is all!

Great pics, great party - such warmth!

Hedgie said...

mother, shmother, the important thing is -- tomorrow is the Nude Equinoctial Dance. You are attending, right?

HumorSmith said...

Geez! First snake negotiation and now this. Your mom would get along well with mine.

Poor us.

dani c said...

That's gonna be me huh ?

Marinka said...

I love your mother. And if she sees that you referred to her as "a small man", she's so telling you to fuck yourself!

Ann's Rants said...

Damn, SHE should write your dating profiles!

webberpa said...

You know what they say...the apple does not fall so far from the tree........

Don said...

I feel for you. My dad finally managed to get me to stop swearing as part of normal speech but I'm not sure how. And he's been gone for over 30 years so I can't really ask him.

Don't expect or even hope that she will change, of course. Nothing short of death will change her now.

HealthNutWannabeDad said...

So that's where you get your good looks from.

Your mother, I mean.

Paul

Eat Well. Live Well.
ER BurnTheFat.com
PurpleGreenPops.com

SweetPeaSurry said...

That is two F word blogs in one day. WOOT @ the F word!!!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

That made me LOL! I wish my mom would let the f-word fly, but I'm still waiting for the day....

High Desert Diva said...

Sometimes (sometimes) it really is the best word....

bernthis said...

your mother is a woman after my own heart. When you can't take it anymore, send her my way

Simplicity said...

Most of the time, I clean it up and say things like frickin' and fudgepackers (really, is that better!?), but when the f-bomb flies, the person within arm's reach better get the fuck out of my way! My mother is all of 4'11" tall and when she says, "FUUUUUCK" it means, "Get the hell out of the way...NOW!"

Red said...

This is a rather funny post! I picked you up off of LL, wanted to see what was up with TW banning you for using the F word. She is so sweet. Access her blog off of a direct link and not off of her profile, I have one on my blog (A view thru my eyes)http://lucysworldakajennyland.blogspot.com/

or here is a link to her blog
http://www.cowboysandsunsets.com/

hope that helps.

Lisa said...

Oh how I love that. And your family is gorgeous!

Train Wreck said...

WHat!!??? I wouldn't ban you! How great that LL and Red have my back, or at least my links!! Nope I am not a hipocrite, Not that I say the F word...um nope not me...errr well maybe sometimes? he he, I am so happy to see you were able to get a comment in. I hate that is was on such a sad post. Thank you for your kind thoughts. I will be back soon. ((Hugs))

The Unbreakable Child said...

Too saWHeet, what a great party and pics, Charmaine!

SweetPeaSurry said...

Girl ... ya gotta quit waiting on the Cubicle Anthropology blog postings. Those are few and far between. The good stuff is at http://sweetpeasurry.blogspot.com

I just posted a 'dating ad'

A Cuban In London said...

I have to admit to feeling ever so prudish when the f-word is mentioned, but nothing like a well-placed f... to crack me up. This post was great. And by the way, the first time I heard Leonard Cohen was in 'Pump the Volume' with very young Christian Slater playing 'Everybody Knows'. Cheerio.

Greetings from London.

the letters i wish i'd written said...

fucking hilarious!

Da Old Man said...

A belated hasppy birthday to you.

Gone Crazy said...

Thanks for this information. Now I can prove to my husband that cursing does not mean you're stupid, and continue using fuck on a fucking daily basis. Your mother rocks!

Seeker said...

You just have to get your mother to guest blog.....we might all get a "education" LOL

Briana said...

The problem with her is that she uses the F word in completely unnecessary ways - mainly for attention. So, really, it's not that funny when she does it. I say it, but usually it's when I screwed something up and I say "Fuck Me." And now Charmaine has me describing certain people as motherfuckers. I've decided that I like that!

Hedgie said...

It's April, for heaven's sake; are you coming out of hibernation? Or did you see your shadow and have gone back into your den until it snows?

Mrs. K said...

i don't know how i found you but you made me laugh my ass off...i'm an 'f' bomb mother myself...my daughter will probably write something like this in 30 years....oh well. fuck it.