Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Oh Crap.

My buddy, Shakespeares Housekeeper, just nominated me to share the five reasons that life is "grand".

I'm only doing it because she talks funny. (She's in England.)

She uses words like, "knickers".

I can't resist a person who says, "knickers".

Okay. Damn-it. Life IS grand because...

1. I have the most beautiful nephews and niece in the history of the world. I never married, hence, never had children. I get to know these little people who love me despite the fact I never had an episiotomy.

2. I'm old. I'm pushing 50 and that means I can say whatever I want. That's grand.

3. I love my baby sister. She never says it, but I know.

4. I'm not dead. That's always a plus.

5. I hate my neighbour. I'm not "nice" like Shakespeares Housekeeper. If the bastard, who lives in the 5 million dollar mansion behind me, blocks my car again...I'm gonna hit it. He had the audacity to place a sign on MY garage that said, "No parking". Oddly, he is the ONLY one who parks there.

It's life. It's grand.


Michele said...

Let me preface this by saying I love my children but nephews and nieces are so much better. No real work.

Age has it's privileges, like saying whatever you want.

Yeah, not being dead is good

And, your neighbor is a dick.

The Panic Room said...

what if your neighbor secretly wants to DATE you?

HumorSmith said...

How could he have the balls to put that sign on your garage? I say you set fire to his porch.

Or, call and have his car towed. You know, I have always believed in taking the mature route.

The fifties are good.

webberpa said...

Yes, I love my fifties, so far...but whats with all this HATE for your neighbor?

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Joanie said...

so who's this person who keeps sending you dating websites every day? and who is the guy in the pic with you at the bottom of some blog posts? Looks like you're at London Bridge?

Joanie said...

Call the cops and get his car towed. He's blocking YOUR garage!

Venom said...

I love how quickly that list went from happy and grand to hating the neighbour. hehheh

Tammy said...

OK, I WAS going to say that you should get his car towed. But, then you would start a big old war with the neighbor...

Charmaine said...

Yes, going from "life is grand" to basically wanting to take a "hit" out on my neighbour would example of hypocracy.

I'm a hypocrite. It's true.

We came to a truce the day I called the police on him because he was basically building an aircraft carrier in his garage and I could NOT hear myself THINK.

Trust me, the other neibours couldn't hear themselves think either. I was the only one who did anything about it because (from my favorite quote from Dolores Claiborn) "Dolores, sometimes being a high riding bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.

hee hee

And what's up with whomever is sending me dating ads. That's when you're a loser. groan.

Shakespeare's Housekeeper said...

Ha ha!!
You do make me laugh. Honestly.

These are a great read.
I'm not as nice as you think.
Only yesterday, i went to the neighbour opposite me who is a lovely old chap and has a doberman dog that barks constantly.
I told him if he didn't stop it barking, i would shoot the fuckin' thing.

The Unbreakable Child said...

Ugh on thy neighbor, Charmaine. I have one of those too. And yeah looks like you're gettn' a lot of dating hits!! : D

Loving Annie said...

I hate your neighbor too. I just bought some eggs, because I have a neighbor just like that. Being 50 means you're not too old to go egging :)

bernthis said...

why is life grand? I'm going to go with the same thing as you, "I'm not dead". Wow, what a positive uplifting moment for me.

P.O.M. said...

You silly lady.
I'm home for a while. Let's get together before I move to the ghetto (end of month).

A is gone. It's just me. I'm very lonely and sad :(

P.O.M. said...

PS: I'm definately not against calling the cops on my neighbors.

BUT... is he hot? Maybe you can make him cookies and call a peace treaty then set him up with a single friends of yours. Then she can come over and block your car in!

Lisa said...

Life is grand and so are you. And you're lucky! No episiotomy? I don't even like typing the word.

Michelle said...

I thought you wrote I love my baby sitter!!!!


I wanna have lunch with you!!!

That would be grand!!

Hedgie said...

I dislike interrupting with something serious, but you really need to see this notice about Braja.

SSP said...

in my vast experience, neighbors generally suck, particularly the ones with children/small dogs, who they let play on the patio at 8 fricking am on Sunday. Of course, can you blame me that I then find it absolutely necessary to blast Revolting Cocks or Sex Pistols from my open window? Seems to get the little bastards back inside.....

HealthNutWannabeDad said...

Kids make life grand, indeed.

My little man turns two years old in two weeks. We are gonna have a party! Friends, neighbors and relatives all!


Eat Well. Live Well.

Anonymous said...

Oh...I love my children(thank god that two of them are in their 20's and my third will be 15...hehehe) BUT...I much prefer my niece's and nephew's

I can SEND THEM HOME!!! hahahaha

And here I am pushing 50 already...just had my 47th bday last week...eeewww...don't wanna think about it....

But I so totally agree with you..Being our age, we can say any damn thing we want to and tell the rest to go to hell!!!!!