Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Unknown Caller

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?

Unknown Caller: You said you weren't going to write about me on your blog.

Me: That was if we were still seeing each. I didn't mention the escape clause?

UC: How could you say those things? You lied.

Me: I didn't lie.

UC: How could you be so mean? I was nothing but nice to you. I really liked you. Your a sweet girl in person. In your blog you're AWFUL. You really hurt my feelings. It's like you have an alter-ego. Do you have split-personality disorder?

Me: Ummmm, YES! That's it. I have another personality. I have no control over what that b*tch writes. I never thought you'd find the blog.

UC: I read it start to finish. Even the comments. They called me a douche bag.

Me: I don't like that word. It's so unpleasant.

UC: I know you liked me. I'm coming over.

Me: No.

UC: Yes

Me: No.

This went on for 2 hours and 18 minutes.

If I don't reveal WHO it is, technically, I didn't "talk about him", right

11 comments:

Mrs. K said...

well I for one didn't see anyone calling the produce guy a douchebag in that last post...that's not even an original word or one that should be in the mouth of a 50something year old.

You are nice Charmaine and deserve someone who treats you nicely.

King of Produce doesn't really seem to be a 'nice guy' unless you're stroking his huge ego.

I do agree with the previous poster- at least he left you IN the car this time instead of driving away without you.

Whatever it is- enjoy your moments, have fun and be careful. Like my grandma always said:

'you shit on me once, shame on you, you shit on me twice, shame on me'

it gets lost in translation- it really is in spanish.

Michele said...

Darlin' you really need to meet a better class of men. I'm not sure where they are but they are sure not where your lookin'

Char said...

Learning to let go is a big step. It is also a very important one.

Charmaine said...

I'm trying to let go people. My current situation has me acting a little needier then usual.

See, these guys aren't all that bad. I confess I highlight the worst aspects because it's just more interesting.

They all have some wonderful qualities. And trust me, I'm no picnic.

But I AM trying. Really, I am trying to do the right thing. I've given myself permission to waffle a bit because in the end what is going to happen...will indeed happen. With or without my cooperation.

LL said...

How would anyone know that the unknown caller is a douchebag?

After all... we don't know who this unknown caller playboy gardener is... right?

webberpa said...

Unknown claller seems to have YOUR number, Char! You are so vile, so nasty! Douchebag needs his medicine, he must want the abuse you deal out...spank him, baby give that bad boy what he deserves and leave his behind in the car!!Make him beg, sing in trees, even.

miscellaneous said...

love, love, love reading about your adventures and your thoughts on your adventures..... you are slowly increasing my willingness to try the online dating thing..... just wish my friends would put up a profile for me. :D

Charmaine said...

miscellaneous, I'll write your profile. I'm really good at it. email me: charming_mary@hotmail.com

Senorita said...

Hmmmm,

I reread your posts, and I don't remember you using the word "douchebag" in them.

How ever, I remember me using "douche nozzle" and "small penis" to refer to our dear friend, Playboy.

But I only said such things because he is one and judging by how he treats you and drives, he probably does have a small schlong.

He doesn't sound very secure in himself at all.

Case in point, he's whining about being called a douche and then wants to come over and try to get in your pants.

Look, I understand if he is a good kisser, and touches you right, but please don't take this guy seriously and think that he has relationship potention.

I don't understand why you're with him, there are tons of better guys out there with good tonsil hockey skills that would treat you better.

Good luck.

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