I've cancelled three (3) dates. I'm waiting for my mother to leave to re-schedule. I can't risk another "sales pitch" during which she details why a man should marry me, now.
My favorite part of my mom's "sales pitch" is; "Did you know Charmaine was a Ballerina? She was in the Nutcracker."
She fails to mention I single-handedly ruined an otherwise flawless production of The Nutcracker produced by the Charleston Ballet Company. At the end of a piece all the dancers leaped off stage to stage left. I went to stage right. There was a discernible "gasp" from the audience.
I'm attending a dinner party on Monday. I hope "The Gardener" will be there. Did I mention "The Gardener" is handsome, prosperous and humble? When he asked about my availability I retorted I had been layed off and was "on vacation". He replied he has been on vacation since 2005. "What are you, independently wealthy" I joked. "Na" he said. "I just got lucky".
You should have seen how cute he was peering up my steps, looking through the railings one by one... trying to find me. I was a sweaty mess in grey sweat pants that were too short and hanging down at the butt.
My mother. See why I can't introduce her until AFTER the wedding?