Saturday, October 3, 2009

Sisterhood of the Traveling Hormone Patch

Menopausal dating should be adapted to film. 
a
At 47 I needed hormones (Estrogen and Progesterone). I chose to wear a small circular patch on my belly. 

It stays put...it's sticky.  One day I learned "the patch"  had a mind of its own.
a
I was in my Boudoir with the man I adore.  I hadn't been "there" in a while so I was a little nervous.  I gazed down to find the patch affixed to the end of a particular part of his anatomy. Cue blood curdling scream.

He didn't appear to notice.  (And they say it's a sensitive organ?)

The patch had traveled before, affixing itself to the underside of friends' flip flops, bathroom tiles, my shirt sleeve...etc.

But this was different.

Should I pull it off like a band-aid? Should I gently remove it...diverting his attention, do a card trick and THEN make my move?

"It's an Estrogen delivery system" I admitted. I had to say something before, um, interfering with his manhood.

Later that night he blinked innocently and said, "Charmaine, my breasts are sensitive and I have cramps. Do you have a heating pad?

13 comments:

Mike said...

LOL. I would have said the same thing.

The Peach Tart said...

I would have been mortified but probably would have then started pointing and laughing.

That One Mom said...

It sounds like he has an amazing sense of humor.

Captain Dumbass said...

Did he want to be held?

Charmaine said...

Captain, he did. How did you know? But we broke up, again. I'm convinced it was because I had a larger...um...you know.

Even if was only my mind.

LL said...

Vixen...

Joanie M said...

That's very funny!!! I was wondering if his softer, more feminine side would emerge, and I was right!

Char said...

Bwahahaha! That's just too funny. But you have probably just ruined him for any other woman. Send him a rose and a Mydol.
**still laughing**

That One Mom said...

There is an award for you on my blog!

Rikkij said...

should've given it a good yank and introduced him to the wonderful world of waxing. ~rick

Shakespeare's Housekeeper said...

Very good....
i suppose his reaction would have gone one way ot t'other.
T'other being, 'Don't come near me you hellcat from the darker side- you need know i hate being touched when i feel like this!' All said with venom and spitting screams.
xxx

BlueEyedWonder said...

Too funny!!!! :D

Ellie said...

That's hilarious! And what a classic sense of timing... the patch and his.