Monday, September 14, 2009

Sick as a DAWG

It's official.  I'm as sick as a dog. 

This is the 8th day of coughing like a 400-lb cigar smoking truck driver.  I'm sexy like that.

I was shocked to learn the thermometer revealed I did not have a temperature.  Then I had another shock.  My thermometer is a rectal thermometer.  I thought "bigger was better".
I have a disgusting, keep-the-neighbours-awake-at-night cough.  I don't have the energy to put on make-up, take a shower or leave the house. I think doctors will kill me I don't like doctors. (Except for that Orthopedic who put the splint on my broken finger.) I was going to dress up for the follow-up appointment.  I missed it.  He sent me a bill for $50.00. Alas, our love was too fragile to survive.

When evening rolls around I am coughing so vigorously (and repulsively) I think I'm going to be ill.

After strolling down this road before (it turned out to be Pneumonia) I've have the following courses of action:

1.  Ignore it.
2.  Enter into a loveless marriage to obtain health insurance.
3.  Pretend my last name is Gonzales (I'm really sorry about this one folks) and go to the Emergency Room. 
4.  Shoot myself in the head.

Please cast your vote for the preferred treatment.


Senorita said...

Please tell me that rectal thermometer had never been used before. Ass to mouth is soooooo not fun.

You should really get that checked out. Last time I had a nasty cough I tried to ignore, it turned out to be bronchitis.

Charmaine said...

I am happy to convey that the rectal thermometer has only ever been in my mouth.

But I was a real "ass" to buy a rectal thermometer.

Cough cough.

Mike said...

I don't even want to know how Senorita knows that ass to mouth is not fun.

There usually is a free clinic around in all cities for that. There use to be the Hill bill (the 90's)that covered you if you went to the hospital and didn't have coverage. The hospital won't tell you this because it's a lot of paperwork for them to get paid this way.

Mike said...

Maybe the rectal thermometer is the cause like drinking out of the toilet.

HOA Mgr Lady said...

There should be a Home Test kit for Pneumonia I think. If given those choices I think a couple would be the same thing.. i.e. naming yourself Gonzalez and waiting at an ER and shooting yourself in the head = same option. said...

Get as much ascorbic acid Vitamin C that you can get your hands on. Take every 10 to 15 minutes.

Don't get the cheap kind at the grocery store. Get the best you can find.

Keep taking it until you get diarrhea. This means you have reached saturation. Small amounts will not produce results.


Eat Well. Live Well.

SSP said...

lots of liquids, keep your self comfortably warm, sleep, and a butt load of nyquil at night. it is so much cheaper and probably more effective than going to any doctor...hope you are feeling better now though..sorry i missed this when you were first feeling bad!

Bella said...

haha! love your blog! Hope you're feeling better.