Sunday, January 2, 2011

Post Date Review

December 31, 2010 - (CHIP)

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present ….drum roll puleez, the first DATE REVIEW of 2011.

Oh my.

It occurred on (New Year’s Eve).

His eyes did not light up when I entered the room.  He talked about his x-girlfriend and his x-wife after I advised, “I’m not really interested in talking about past relationships”.

He was seated at the bar. I said, “I feel awkward about pulling out my own chair”.  He lept up.

(It’s part of my new “technique” to educate men how to treat ME.)

He had difficulty maintaining eye contact. Another fella did this before.  I didn't like it. When  I refused to see him again he frantically emailed me beseaching:

Why don't you likkkke meeee?

Anyway, my first instinct was to ditch Chip.  But....

I was feeling peckish.

He claimed to be a "foodie".  But failed to order the heirloom beet salad.

I eyed him, suspiciously...he said:

1. I can’t believe you showed up.
2. You look like Giada from the Food Network.
3. Did you used to be a model? (Yes, double chins are very popular on the runway.)
4. You’re terrific and not a bad date, let’s have dinner.

5. I want to cook for you. Bring your nephews to my restaurant.
6. Grabbing my hand trying to kiss me, “I like you already.”
7. You probably have millions of guys. You use them then spit them out. You’re just dating for fun.
8. Running after me…where are you going?  I got you these balloons AND a tiramisu to take home....

I dunno.  I got bored.

8 comments:

secret agent woman said...

I know everyone has baggage, but it tires me out sometimes.

Irish Gumbo said...

"Because nobody can hurt you when you have the courage...to be yourself."

Brilliant.

(My scaredy cat self just got served.)

SSP said...

yer too mean.....but then, i haven't been on a date in over a year, so what do I know....I wouldn't have ordered the beet salad either.....

Joanie said...

He sounds like he's 14.

Joanie said...

besides, restaurant guys are up to their eyeballs in debt. I know... I was married to one.

HumorSmith said...

Hmmm....women like you are one of the reasons I have removed myself from the dating scene. Also, women like you are the main reason I want to see somebody again. And that pretty much sums up my feelings about relationships.

Can't live with 'em, can't move to Tahiti.

You are gorgeous and I think I really like you. But I can't stand beet salad.

BlueEyedWonder said...

If all they do is talk about their ex's, then kick 'em to the curb!!!!

Charmaine said...

Joanie - OMG...he was totally feeling out my financial situation. Asking questions...he probably needed a loan. I'm the WRONG person for THAT.

Secret Agent - I don't want to hear a word about another creepy x-wife or girfriend...eva.

Irish - Kiss

SSP - Am I mean?

Humour Smith - If this business was meant to be easy...we'd all be dating doormats then get bored.

blue eyes - Great to see you again!