Saturday, January 9, 2010

Return Of The Nerd

 He recently send me a message on Facebook: (Our date was in 2008) "Hey, it's the nerd. First of all, my teeth are tan. Also, i have been trained to untuck and lower. My enthusiasm was significantly diminished by the lack of response, i.e. throwing yourself at me most wantonly, the jersey tomatoes inspired, so i no longer wave 'vigorously' - ever. Anyway, i think a second date is in order.


Me thinks he found my blog.  The little rascal. Below is my review of our first, and only, date in May of 2008. He had a deep voice and an enormous Adam's Apple.  That's a wierd thing to say, isn't it?  (The things one remembers...) He was jovial and self-effacing.  Unlike "The King" he would never accuse me of "bad behavior", call me to "discuss my inadequacies", leave me in reastaurants or insult me just because he could or leave me waiting for hours just to prove how busy he was.  I liked him immediately. He would have given me a Christmas Card.  He deserves a second date.
I met Revenge of the Nerd at the swap meet. His pants were pulled up WAY too high and his t-shirt was tucked in. He was wearing white sneakers. He had yellow teeth.

But he was as enthusiastic as a golden retriever puppy.  I could almost a hear the tail wagging. Thump. Thump.

He carried my 10 bags in one hand, a Boston Fern in the other with my purse slung over his shoulder. He wore an ENORMOUS straw hat. (He looked hilarious). He held my hand until it got sweaty.

When we left he followed my car in a beat-up red Echo. In my rear view mirror I could see him smiling and waving vigorously.
We took the auto Ferry to Balboa Peninsula. He jumped out of his car, walked with determination to the front of the ferry and jutted his arms into the sky. (Simulating the "I'm king of the world" scene from Titanic.)

Oh yea, he was nerd alright.

We visited the "Fun Zone" an amusement area in Newport Beach frequented by 6 year olds. When you play Skeeball the machine spits out coupons used to purchase prizes like superballs and black widow rings.
After pushing a 7 year old out of the way (being tall has it's advantages) we made it to the counter to purchase our prizes. I purchased my favorite...the black widow ring.  He purchased the manila envelope stamped with a picture of a rattlesnake. Beneath the picture: Rattlesnake Eggs. Caution: Store in a cool place to prevent hatching.
When you open the envelope a device within shakes with a buzz.
It malfunctioned every time I showed it to people at work... until I opened it. I screamed every time. Who's the nerd, now?
I called my sister to ask if I could send it to her boys. She said, "How cold do I keep the eggs to prevent them from hatching"? (She's normally intelligent.)

He emailed me the minute he got home" "I know the rules say I should wait at least 24 hours but I had  to tell you I had wicked awesome time". (He teaches high school math hence the vernacular.)

Seriously. He's a nerd. But he's a confident, unapologetic thinks-he's-a-rebel, nerd.

I like him... but I'll never see him again. He's too skinny. 
"White and Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovich. Click below to see him.


Briana said...

Have you sent him Plus White yet?

Charmaine said...

Not yet. Is it too soon to mail it to him before the second date?

Briana said...

You can tell him that it is required in order to GET to a second date!

P.O.M. said...

So, is there giong to be a second date? I like this one for. You had fun with him and you're kinda a nerd, too.

He can always get his teeth whitened, but you'll probably have to foot the bill.

Charmaine said...

I cancelled our date last Sat. Instead I moved in the "Little Indian" aka Indian Summer. Bad move.

I think he's pissed at me. I should call him. Okay. I will.

Michele said...

Thanks for visiting the blog.

I married my nerd after the divorce from the jerk actor dumped me. 26 years later he's still a nerd but he worships me. I guess I win!!

Michele said...

We too have our share of plastic women. We also have a disproportionate amount of cougars.

Just read our post about Dr. Cop-a-feel. OMG! I should not have been drinking a diet coke at the same time. IT isn't going to like what I did to my keyboard.

Southern Diva said...

OK, so I just watched White and Nerdy and my 13 year old Diva in Training came down the hall singing all the words. Where the hell have I been? LOL

Michelle J said...

Gotta tell you girlie, i am partial to nerds!!! Dorks too!!! Aren't they the best?? And you can mold them to whatever type of nerd you prefer!!! They are like little puppy dogs eager to please!!!

I say date a nerd!!! Wait, that means you can date me!!!!! :O)

Charmaine said...

Southern Diva, clearly you and I have been living under the same rock.

Michelle, Where are we going on our first date?

Vodka Mom said...

...and the nerds shall inherit the earth.....

Comedy Goddess said...

He looks like Matt Lauer.

I think Matt is a big nerd too. But he has a big nerd wallet to curl up in.

Maybe this guy just pretends to not have money?

Would that be too weird?

Diane said...

I like him, too! Nerds, especially rebel nerds, are the new cool. Call him!

What happened to Shorty?

Charmaine said...

Oh Diane, I don't even recall what happened to shorty. Well...I'm kubda lying. I recall that I had met him formerly.

Years prior I had gone to his house with the guy who had put a new roof on my house. What where the chances?

When I met shorty all those years ago he was with a 20 something kid.She was her wearing some Vicoria Secret number. I mean, what were the chances I would meet him so man years later?

Hedgie said...

All of which proves that you don't always get what you expect. Want further proof? Okay, the Max Planck Institute wanted a Chinese poem; instead, they got, well, not what they were expecting.

Michelle J said...

Being the nerd that i am proudly too, i will plan a very nerd like date for us!!!

It could involve dive bars, cheap booze and perhaps a documentary film that is all the rage.

Nerds need to keep up with the current and trendy stuff going on even though you think we don't.

Charmaine, we do!! I am a nerd but i know all the right things to say on a date. Well after about 4 shots of tequila! Cause i'm nerdy i don't do the lick, drink, suck thing...i just down them all cool like. Sometimes, my buck teeth get in the way but usually not!!!

Ok, i'll stop now!!! Sorry, i'm tired.


Charmaine said...


That article reminded me of driving to a local institution with my Uncle.

He was attempting to learn Chinese (flash cars for months.) I wanted to become a psychiatrist like him.

He was, and is to this day brilliant. And I hate him. And love him. How crazy is that?

Hedgie said...

flash cars

Generally, it's more interesting and productive to flash members of the opposite sex than mechanical devices.

Not that I'd know from experience, of course.

Certainly not.

Not me.

Charmaine said...

Hedgie and Michelle,

Could two people possibly be more different and still be near and dear to my heart?

Charmaine said...


I would flash you but when you passed out and had a heart attack...what would I do?

Frankly I almost had one today. Some renegade helicopter decided to drive over my house yelling with his loud speaker..."Merry Christmas". Given the recent San Diego tragedy wherein the plane crashed into the house...I was terrified despite the fact that Santa was screaming..."Merry Christmas".

Hedgie said...

"I would flash you but when you passed out and had a heart attack...what would I do? "

CPR -- I've very responsive. Besides, I can't imagine that you're really that frightening. Are you? I'll believe it only if I see it.

Although I've never actually flashed anyone (no, really, I mean it), I did once write a pome about flashing; it was published here if you're even vaguely interested in flashing.

We've really got to stop dividing our conversations between blogs; at my age, I confuse much to easily.

(Note to self: Never scream "Merry Christmas" over Charmaine's house.)

Hedgie said...

Where am I? Which blog is this? Things are spinning . . . getting dark . . .

Hedgie said...

I hid in the storm shelter for nothing?


Charmaine said...


Yes, we veered off to the left.

Back on track now. You may now safely emerge from behind the bushes.

Henry the Dog said...

Your blog has my mum in stitches, she loves it. I've just added it to my blog list so that she can keep up to date with your dates. They're too good to miss:)

Hedgie said...

Why are there boxes and boxes of Honey Bunches of Oats down here in the storm shelter? It's like a wine cellar with flakes.

Just wonderin'

b luis grey said...

Thanks for stopping by Charmaine. I look forward to catching up on your blog with a glass of Johnny Walker [green label] this evening.

Mike said...

LOL I like that. I need to find me one of them. Hey I'm a nerd and proud of it.

Doorknob Lover said...

I agree carrying your purse and all that stuff is a bit much on the first date. But alas I am a nerd lover. Although as of this point I am dating an anime kid. So I am only 18, However, I hate dating. Isn't it supposed to be fun when your in highschool? And I SO would recreate the Titanic scene on a ferry. I already bark out windows.

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Sharon said...

I'm so jealous. If I lived near you I would beg you to give him my number.

Charmaine said...

Aw Sharon. You're such a good egg. I'd give you his number...if I could remember it.

By the way, woman to woman, you don't need are perfect just as you are.

I know, everyone is in therapy these days. But you, my dear, do not need it. You just need to go out on the town with me...

Right turn, left turn...we tend to end up at the same place. Sometimes a u-turn is in order.

Or not. It doesn't matter. Heartbreak, bad childhoods...we survive.

LL said...

Oh c'mon... give the nerd another chance. You could go to a Star Trek convention or something...

HOA Mgr Lady said...

He LOOOKS kinda George Clooney -ish to me. I think nerds are heaven-sent but the problem is THEY ARE N.E.R.D.S. ugh. And a math teacher? That's complicated but... Get a Grip girlfriend he probably won't cheat on you or call you names and will be damn grateful to have you on his arm. Love and hate in any relationship I think is normal.
I say date him and see if you can tolerate him... oh and if you can't give him MY phone number :)

Four Dinners said...

uh? wha? when?...oh dear...

The Drunk Punk show dear.

Go there and click on 'LISTEN' at 9pm (UK time) every Saturday.

You are frightening!

Very lovely I admit...but frightening!!!

Marguerite said...

Hi Charmaine! I'm over from Irish Gumbo's. Your post title caught my eye. I was married to a Nerd, once, but am now dating a Hunk. The difference is incredible! Good luck!

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