Ten (10) Things

Oh jeez, I’ve been tagged by my pal Shakespeare’s Housekeeper.

I’m meant to tell you ten (10) interesting things about myself. Zzzzz. Under no circumstance would I do such a thing but for that fact that the request came from her.

Here we go. Try not to fall asleep.

1. I was arrested at 18 for “tagging” making me, perhaps, the first white upper middle-class tagger in New York. The gang slogan I felt compelled to express on the side of the drug store wall with spray paint at midnight was, “Hi mom”. I am, inexplicably, proud of this.

2. I once sued a man for sexual harassment and won. Before you get all crazy on me, you know that I am the most puritanical woman on earth, right? All of those women who slept with their bosses and then sued inspire my hatred. My case was classic. So classic that the Dean of Pepperdine Law School begged opposing council for the opportunity to film our mediation in order to use it as a learning module.

It was a fascinating case that almost landed me in a mental health ward. You can't possibly imagine what I endured. They subpoenaed my gynecological records. Huh? Two firms were hired to investigate my background. Striking a perplexing resemblance to the Virgin Mary worked out for me. The day before we were meant to go to trial I was curled up in the fetal position in the corner of my living room crying, hand clutching the phone ready to call my attorney to scream, “call it off”. I wrote my attorney’s closing argument. I didn't want money, merely justice. I learned, in the end, there is no justice. A lawsuit is, at best, legal extortion. Despite winning, I died on a cross that day. I made my point. It cost me everything.

3. I have gray hair.

4. I love my baby sister Briana more then words can express. She is on my blog list under, My Baby Sister the Attorney. She’s smart and kind. She has never lost a case in her life.

5. I have another crazy sister named Erin. We don’t talk about her to strangers.

6. My mother used to be an alcoholic. My sister Briana and I did an “intervention” on her. I thought nothing could be more difficult then my sexual harassment lawsuit but I was wrong.

7. My nephews Aiden, Gunnar and Brody are the most perfect people on earth. So is my niece, Chloe.

8. Blogging might actually be keeping me sane. I try to be funny about my failed dates but, secretly, I’m getting scared.

9. Lot’s of men have crushes on me so don’t feel sorry for me.

10. My grandfather was second in command of the IRA. My grandmother, a nurse, was a spy. They spend time in prison. My grandfather was sentenced to death. The IRA blew up the prison and he escaped to New York. Later, he was granted amnesty and returned.

It is now incumbent upon me to pass the torch. No pressure. Ignore me, puleez.

Simplicity A beautiful young woman that I, frankly, adore.

This is Braja. There is no way in hell she will play. I love her for this. She would sooner punch you in the face then play a blogger game. Still, her compassion will astound you.

Bern this would never lower herself to such a request. But check her out because she is fall down fuuny. Love her.

Vodka Mom. This woman defies the imagination. She is hilarious. She is our hero and...uh...spiritual blog guide.

Hedgie. This man is a mystery to me. He is literary, obviously very intelligent. Why would he talk to ME? His ten (10) things are the "things" that most interest me.

My Three Sons. Lastly, my favorite person on Earth...my baby sis. She pretends that she will never give free legal advice again...but she keeps doing it. She can't help it. Email her. She will help you.