Saturday, February 21, 2009

I AM a whore.

It happened last night.
z
I became a whore.
s
We all have ideas about what constitutes a whore.
a
Evil Surfer Dude came over and refused to take me to dinner. I was dressed up, he wanted to work out. He waited for me to bend to his will. Hey Evil (in case you are reading...Nobody puts baby in a corner.
a
I love saying that. It merely means that you walked out in a huff because you didn't get your way...for the last time.
a
In an unprecedented act of whorishness I called The King of Produce. Well, I called him back. We''ve had 4 dates. I've never kissed him. In his last email he enclosed this song, Essence, by Lucinda Williams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Kd3Y-anRlM

It made me feel funny in my tummy.

He IMMEDIATELY offered to take me where I wanted to go, Javier's in Crystal Cove. His two favorite "things" are fine dining and intelligent women. Bingo. (I can "act" smart...sometimes.)

Three hours (2) martinis, filet Mignon, prawns and (3) glasses of wine later I made out with him. a
I made out with him IN the restaurant....where people could SEE!!!! I have never, EVER done that. This is NOT the behavior of a lady. Can I get an "intervention"? Can I get a hallelujah?

Hell, can I just get some coffee and an aspirin? (faints)

52 comments:

SSP said...

girl, if making out with a guy who just bought you dinner (even if still in the restaurant) makes you a whore, you are NOT alone.

However..what is UP with ESD that he got his wires so crossed that he dressed wrong? And WHY would he insult you unless he is a complete prick (can I say that here), unless he really IS a complete prick...

I think you need an intervention like the one you and B did to your mom...You have a bad addiction to baaaaad men...

Charmaine said...

SSP: Yea. There is something up with that. But I feel a remedy sinking into my veins.

Jen said...

A whore you are not my dear. I'll give you a hallelujah!

LL said...

"I am NOT a whore." "Actually, I AM a whore."

So I'm sensing a bit of confusion here...

At least from me. ;)

Comedy Goddess said...

Oh what the hell. I say hallelujah sister! Isn't it your birthday?

Hedgie said...

Ya know, there is some value in Hamlet's advice to Ophelia.

Michele said...

It didn't sound like you broke the 3 month rule so you didn't pass into whore status. Unless, you wanted to then you needed to have lost some clothing pieces at the restaurant. You didn't did you?

I say hallelujah!

JIMSIGHT said...

I love Javier's, it always makes me feel like making out. Something they put in the food I am sure.

As far as ESD, no comment. You need an ESD 12 step program or something.

SweetPeaSurry said...

Hey hey, that's not whorey! That's just silly drunken PDA babe! I do that all the time, in fact ... I've done it before with multiple people in the same night. UGH, I am kind of whorey!

Also ... I have been talking dirty to people that I've met in yahoo chat. Perhaps there should be a multi-person intervention? I like feeling funny in my tummy. he he he!

Braja said...

No, you're not a whore my lovely...

But filet mignon?

No no no no no no NO NO!!!!!!

Ann's Rants said...

Whore it up, Hot lips!!

Sandi said...

Next time you are going out, You call and tell me where! I want to see this! In real life!

Loving Annie said...

Never let Evil Surfer Dude in your life again - your instincts are probably correct.

And as far as the King of Produce goes : Heh-heh. Javier's is SO crowded on a Saturday night, I bet nobody could see !

Glad you enjoyed dinner, had spit-swap fun, and hope you get over the hangover quickly !

Michelle said...

HELLO!!! PDA!!!

But, who the fuck cares??? If you wanted to kiss the dude in the restaurant so what???

ESD needs to be kicked to the curb and like NOW!!!

Aren't you supposed to be in Denver anyway????

Vodka Mom said...

My baby is all grown up.. (can I say "I'm so proud?" )


Woo Hoo!!!

Vodka Mom said...

I promise to send you out a holler tomorrow for the tag.

bernthis said...

all you're going to get from me is a "lucky you". wished it were me. I don't care who sees.

Joanie said...

A whore? For kissing in the restaurant? No way... now if you had sex under the table, then yeah, maybe.

Lisa said...

ESD? Nevermind. I'm saying nothing because I have my own and he's still not been introduced to the curb.

And whore is such a judgmental term. I mean, I've done more than kiss for an Arby's Beef and Cheddar so the label thing is a bit tricky for me.

I would prefer to call you resourceful.

Train Wreck said...

hmmm I have benn pondering the Whole Whoreism. I think that is a little harsh. Seriously. Makeing out? Is just that. You are limited on good men. It is a known fact that there are very few. They are some married to Bitches.There are some who have left bitches. These are the ones to look for. They appreciate a good woman. Which In my limited,just met you,you have a great sense of humor, and are gorgeous, just need a great guy, a opinion are. As far as ESD? He sounds like a barnacle. Girl you have fun. Don't worry about what others think? They can't eat you! You make you happy. Cuase you make all of your friends here happy. You also make fluid come out my nose, when I reads some of your posts. So Whore...no I wouldn't say you are one.

webberpa said...

from a guys point of view, there is nothing wrong with whores... the cheaper ones are the best. I mean, we are all whores in a way, dont we do things for people that treat us well, buy us things. Labels are way over-rated anyway. Did you have on your hooker shoes?

SILVER said...

No way- seriously?

ah well, ok.. Hallelujah!

Tammy said...

Uh-oh!

If that makes you a whore, then I'm in BIG trouble...

P.O.M. said...

Sha-zam - you made out at Javiers??? That would be a sight to see. I'm happy for you. And oh so excited that you've taken a step towards the dark side of whoreville.

What did you think of le scene du Javiers?

PaulsHealthBlog.com said...

I'm having a tough time keeping up with all of this. One day you're in Denver, then the next thing ya know, you're making out in a restaurant in California.

And you manage to do all of this while unemployed.

Maybe this blog should be renamed, "As The Charmaine Turns" or "The Middle Aged and The Restless", or whatever they show during daytime television.

Paul

Eat Well. Live Well.
PurpleGreenPops.com

Heather said...

Congratulations! Hallelujah! Snogging in the restaurant - not a whore!

High Desert Diva said...

I'm going with the hallelujah!

Jen W said...

Sigh... We've all been there.

Simplicity said...

Well, I should probably hang my head in shame if THAT's the definition of a WHORE You are definitely an intelligent woman so I can see why he enjoyed your company!

ESD is the new crack you know!?

the mama bird diaries said...

I try to work "Nobody puts baby in a corner" into any conversation possible.

Annie said...

I am so THANKFUL to Vodka Mom for sending me this way....I think I'll be reading your blog all. day. long. And laughing. And identifying with it! Thanks.

Wendy said...

Ain't it liberating? Yeehaw! :)

Shakespeare's Housekeeper said...

I thought you meant that you had had sex in the restaurant...
Kissing is ok...that's nowt in the grand scheme of things.
It's like being a teenager again.
I remember those days.
Now if you had had sex...yep, that's a whore.
But gloriously so.
SHxxx

the letters i wish i'd written said...

Whore? lady, you're a hero!

Paula and Skip said...

Stumbled over your blog, right into that restaurant thing - have done so too, but dont see me as a whore

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kdogg said...

you are a whore if I ever heard of one!

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