I hate holidays that require gift giving. I enjoy giving, it's the receiving part I have a problem with.
There is nothing I cannot buy for myself. If I must receive a gift I always say, "Give me Ugs".
The reason I am specific is because I am incapable of pretense. I know I should be gracious when presented with an unwanted gift. I simply can't do it. I have some version of the malady Jim Carey suffered from in the movie, "I Can't Lie". Pretending to like that really great set of kitchen knives or that super duper set of Tupperware is, frankly, impossible. I'd prefer a card to having to gaze into your expectant eyes and coo, "I love it".
Ug (boots) are the only gift I have ever requested, size eight (8) thank you. But that’s not the point. The point is Mr. Man I am dating, why won't you listen? Why?
I dated “The Vern” for years. He appeared recently “Charmaine, I was going to ask you to marry me. I would have given you everything you ever wanted.” he said.
“All I ever wanted was a pair of Ugs.” I said meanly.
In a later visit he advised me that his former and current girlfriend are both reading my blog. Huh? What kind of man would lead you to my blog? A man whose hubris just backfired.
Hello Ladies! I humble myself to Katie (current girlfriend). Your man was making out with me on my couch. I had no idea you existed until the moment you called. He acted like you were nothing. He lied to you and continued to kiss me. He took me to dinner. We laughed and had a grand time. I thought you were a fabrication. I had no idea my “Vern” was such a schmuck.
"How many times had he done the same to me?" I wondered. Katie, be smart. Email me at charming_mary @ hotmail.com for further evidence of his shenanigans. Girl power.
My Valentines Day date arrived with my favorite flower, tulips.
He presented a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I responded, “You know I don’t eat this sh*t.”
Is it any wonder I'm not married?
Later, dressing for dinner, I was putting on a necklace and he said, “stop”. He handed me a diminutive box. Uh oh.
Thankfully it was merely a heart shaped necklace with diamonds so small they could only be detected by an electron microscope. There was another box. I saw it. He tucked it into his jacket.
I was not a "fun" date. When we returned home - I plopped onto my couch and fell asleep. He was so mad he packed up his things and left. I never saw the other box.
This is the actual necklace magnified for obvious reasons. Had he presented me with the only thing I have ever asked for, the lad might have gotten lucky.
Lunch - Pannini, Corona Del Mar, CA
This is a little Mediterranean cafe with indoor and outdoor seating. If you sit outside you will enjoy the mouthwatering aroma of fuel emissions emanating from the cars driving past.
I had the grilled chicken panini with pesto, artichokes, sun-dried tomatoes and melted Brie. It was served with cous cous flecked with mint, raisins and walnuts. Yummy.
Cocktails - A Restaurant (formerly Arches, Newport Beach, CA)
This is a restaurant your parents might have enjoyed when they were dating. You know...red Naugahyde booths in the shape of half moons? Skip it.
Dinner - Gulfstream, Corona Del Mar, CA
It's like a bustling restaurant in New York. The service is spectacular. The lighting is romantically dim. Dining tables are draped in crisp white linens centered with candles sparkling inside glass cylinders. You can watch the chefs prepare your food. I once had a date consider this dinner and a show.
Outside, a fire pit sends flames reaching into the night sky surrounded by Adirondack chairs to inspire conversation among strangers. It works. Some fellers smoke cigars. I recommend the fish, salad of arugula, Gorgonzola with slices of pear and caramelized walnuts or the delicious rib-eye with mashed potatoes, green onion and haricot verts....that is if you MUST eat meat and kill the beautiful, sensitive, doe-eyed cows that exist only to love you. Hi again Braja...smiling innocently batting eyelashes. blink. blink. (Braja, in case you don't know, owns a pet cow. She lives in India. It was not accidental that I added descriptions of beef AFTER she commented on my post. )
PS: I won another "One Minute Writer" award. It's puerile and insignificant. Still it thrills me to my core . I clapped my hands as if I were 8 years old. Yipee.