Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Ten (10) Things

Oh jeez, I’ve been tagged by my pal Shakespeare’s Housekeeper.

I’m meant to tell you ten (10) interesting things about myself. Zzzzz. Under no circumstance would I do such a thing but for that fact that the request came from her.

Here we go. Try not to fall asleep.

1. I was arrested at 18 for “tagging” making me, perhaps, the first white upper middle-class tagger in New York. The gang slogan I felt compelled to express on the side of the drug store wall with spray paint at midnight was, “Hi mom”. I am, inexplicably, proud of this.

2. I once sued a man for sexual harassment and won. Before you get all crazy on me, you know that I am the most puritanical woman on earth, right? All of those women who slept with their bosses and then sued inspire my hatred. My case was classic. So classic that the Dean of Pepperdine Law School begged opposing council for the opportunity to film our mediation in order to use it as a learning module.

It was a fascinating case that almost landed me in a mental health ward. You can't possibly imagine what I endured. They subpoenaed my gynecological records. Huh? Two firms were hired to investigate my background. Striking a perplexing resemblance to the Virgin Mary worked out for me. The day before we were meant to go to trial I was curled up in the fetal position in the corner of my living room crying, hand clutching the phone ready to call my attorney to scream, “call it off”. I wrote my attorney’s closing argument. I didn't want money, merely justice. I learned, in the end, there is no justice. A lawsuit is, at best, legal extortion. Despite winning, I died on a cross that day. I made my point. It cost me everything.

3. I have gray hair.

4. I love my baby sister Briana more then words can express. She is on my blog list under, My Baby Sister the Attorney. She’s smart and kind. She has never lost a case in her life.

5. I have another crazy sister named Erin. We don’t talk about her to strangers.

6. My mother used to be an alcoholic. My sister Briana and I did an “intervention” on her. I thought nothing could be more difficult then my sexual harassment lawsuit but I was wrong.

7. My nephews Aiden, Gunnar and Brody are the most perfect people on earth. So is my niece, Chloe.

8. Blogging might actually be keeping me sane. I try to be funny about my failed dates but, secretly, I’m getting scared.

9. Lot’s of men have crushes on me so don’t feel sorry for me.

10. My grandfather was second in command of the IRA. My grandmother, a nurse, was a spy. They spend time in prison. My grandfather was sentenced to death. The IRA blew up the prison and he escaped to New York. Later, he was granted amnesty and returned.

It is now incumbent upon me to pass the torch. No pressure. Ignore me, puleez.

Simplicity A beautiful young woman that I, frankly, adore.

This is Braja. There is no way in hell she will play. I love her for this. She would sooner punch you in the face then play a blogger game. Still, her compassion will astound you.

Bern this would never lower herself to such a request. But check her out because she is fall down fuuny. Love her.

Vodka Mom. This woman defies the imagination. She is hilarious. She is our hero and...uh...spiritual blog guide.

Hedgie. This man is a mystery to me. He is literary, obviously very intelligent. Why would he talk to ME? His ten (10) things are the "things" that most interest me.

My Three Sons. Lastly, my favorite person on Earth...my baby sis. She pretends that she will never give free legal advice again...but she keeps doing it. She can't help it. Email her. She will help you.


Braja said...

Hmmmm....y'know, I hate being predictable. I might play, just to mess with your mind, which has, I see, already been suitably messed with. But there's surely some fun left to be had...

:)) love you C :)

Mike said...

LOL we have to get you a How to Blog and Facebook for Dummies so you can learn how to do all the fancy stuff like add links.

Thank you for saying what tagging was. I had no idea. You? Have grey hair? Never.

Simplicity said...

OK so at the risk of sounding like an absolute idiot who is screaming out for attention, I read this "A beautiful young woman that I, frankly, adore." and was all like, "Awwwwww...isn't that cute!?" and I clicked on it to see who you were talking about (because WOMAN! you need to learn how to link! You know how to tag!!) and my stupid picture popped up to greet me!

I'm sitting over here laughing like I just had a few extra shots of tequila!

Anyhoo, I'll go do this because my brain done gone and did a brain-fart on me and doesn't want to produce anything interesting. Maybe this will trigger something.

As for grey hair - I will try to take a picture of my grey growing out before I dye it next time. Unbelievable!

I like your list. I can completely see you having a bunch of people around you who have crushes on you. Don't be scared. What's the worst that can happen? So you end up with 16 cats and maybe a roommate from Canada...that's not so bad, right?
(I can picture you scrambling for a box of hair dye and a super-duper push-up bra getting ready to head out to the local bar at the thought of this being your ultimate destiny! ;)

Give me 15 minutes...

Sandi said...

I loved learning this good stuff on you. I need to comment more and quit lurking.
When Brandon gets home, lets go out and get a diet coke.

Loving Annie said...

8 I totally relate to.
9 means you're seriously lucky.

We are going to Palmilla :)

Da Old Man said...

"Hi Mom"

You were badass.


BTW, I sent you a note yesterday, did you get it?

Heather said...

I have gray hair too! Buggers!

Somehow I can't imagine you tagging.

Good for you on the sexual harrassment case its people like you who can stick up for the rest of the women out there who say "no".

Hedgie said...

Oh, dear God, I should have known something like this would happen sooner or later. That's what I get for hanging around younger women.

Although I seriously doubt there are 10 interesting things in existence about me, I'll give it a try tomorrow.

But I owe you. BIG time. ppffbbtt!

Simplicity said...

OK it's been more like an hour or 2 between hot flashes and toenail painting, but I did it.

Run...don't walk...run over there to read and comment...without the stupid word verification. I didn't know I had it on. Braja was kind enough to scare me into figuring it out!

Braja said...

I always get blamed for this crap. When will someone blame me for making a million bucks, or losing 10lbs, or meeting the love of their life?

Vodka Mom said...

what? ME??? I loved your list- you were a BAD ASS tagging at 18. I am so proud.

Michelle said...

Fuck yeah!!!

Hi Mom haha classic!!!

Don't be scared my butterfly!!! Keep morphing!!!

The Unbreakable Child said...

: D I would love to have been in that courtroom during closing arguements!!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Love the list! I can't believe you wrote your lawyer's closing arguments.... Not sure if that says more about the lawyer or YOU! ;-\

Comedy Goddess said...

I like Shakespeare's Housekeeper too. And I am very happy that your lawsuit ended in a win for you! That is a major accomplishment for women. Thank You.

PaulsHealthBlog.com said...

My wife has a few gray hairs. But she has them colored. Mine are all natural blond!

That is quite a list you have there, by the way. A bit revealing. You're not the mysterious woman type, are you?

(But because you're this way, readers connect with you. And that is rare.)

*Just Jen* said...

HA! Funny! I gave you an award!

Shakespeare's Housekeeper said...

You loverly, loverly girl!
I have missed you.
I thought you might have been so pissed off about this that you had decided never to speak to me again...so glad to have you back.
Very interesting things...I too have grey hair- but all hidden under an artful curtain of red hair dye-thank god for chemicals.
Should we be thinking about having a virtual birthday soon?
The Writers is next week, mine a couple of weeks after that...and yours?

SH xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hedgie said...

Okay, my portion is completed and up at The Compost Heap.

I will, in due course, pay you back, my squeezable assortment of interesting giblets. Just you wait.

LL said...

Two posts in a week? Are you feeling ok?

One thing you should'a realized before the suit though... making them pay you money = justice.

As for the rest... well... go get Da Old Man's note.

Briana said...

As Charmaine's younger and more naive sister, I was also present at the "tagging", or as white people like to call it, graffiti.

I say present because I was just along for the car ride, and then pulled unknowingly into this crime spree. What's worse is that I couldn't even get my hands on a can of spray paint, but I was considered as guilty as all of the rest. (I had to go to law school to really understand how that made sense).

About never losing cases, that's the charm of not having a lot of them.

Hedgie said...

Your requested discourse on superstring theory awaits you.

bernthis said...

OMG- You're right I would not do but for the reason that there is nothing I can say about me that would be nearly as interesting, seriously. I love love love the tagger one!

Da Old Man said...

Char, I tried to send you an email. The address wasn't right, I guess.

Send me one, my addy is on my blog, and I'll let you know what the first one said.

You'll like it.

Silver said...

so you have finally spilled the beans, huh.. but all so cool!



Annie said...

I was blogging hopping and found you. You, my dear, are funny. Can't wait to read more.

P.O.M. said...

Hurry home -drinks with old hot men await.

HumorSmith said...

You are funny and tough. I am funny and a puss. I wonder, could I borrow some testosterone? :-)

Charmaine said...

Just Jen - I can't log onto your blog.

SSP said...

now that is quite revealing...When I lived with your baby sister, she always hinted about these infamous "last 10 days in NYC" - I wonder if this was one of them! Thanks for sharing all that...and girl, we ALL have grey hair......

Lisa said...

The story about your grandparents is fascinating. The gray hair? Done and done. I'm going with it.

I cannot imagine going through with the sexual harassment case. Good for you for sticking to your convictions, but yikes! That's hard.

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