Monday, September 1, 2008

Memories...light the corners of my mind.

Some things need to be remembered. This is a re-broadcast of a former date. The one that keeps me up at night because...I just saw this man drive down my street the other day. He doesn't live around here.

Date Report - Dr. Cop-A-Feel

My second date with a 59-year-old physician from India. On our first date I had charmed him with my spectacular knowledge of India, Salman Rushdie, Ganges River issues, the whole Hindu/Muslim thing. I fascinated him with my understanding of Neru, Lord Mountbatten and Edwina. (I had studied, uh hem…prepared for our date.)
Before that first date my Uncle had generously called to offer relevant material, current events in India so “I would have something to talk about on my date”. (Dating for me… it takes a village)
On the actual date I had added my own unique contribution. I recited a Shakespearean sonnet from heart. He was impressed. “ Why would a person just memorize sonnets for no reason? I responded in an academically serious way, “Um, just cuz”.
After that he was smiling, grabbed my hands and rubbing my arms. “I had no idea that we would have so much in common” he said “And you are much more attractive in person”. He was crazy about me. There would definitely be a second date.

5 days later he called. 5 days is a long time.Doctor Cop-A-Feel picked me up at my house in Corona Del Mar in his shiny new Lexus. I got in the car and noticed a wry grin on his face that communicated….”I’m hot”. Did I mention he’s 59? You have to admire his confidence. Soon we were gliding down the Pacific Coast Highway. I adjusted my personal climate settings, jacking the temperature down because I was sweating, literally.

We arrived at Sapphire in Laguna Beach. It’s a hip joint. Lost of women my age, alone and in pairs...watching....looking....strolling around. No one was going to get their hands on my doctor…No way.

We drank wine for 1.5 hours waiting for a table and had an excellent meal. The doctor was giggling and enjoying my sparkling conversation. He ended dinner with the “would you like to come to my house for a night-cap” “or was it “would you like to see my paintings”? I don’t recall because of the wine haze. I replied, sure…hiccup…why not. (I told you I’ve changed).

He gave me the tour of his overly decorated Newport Coast mini-mansion. After pouring two amber glasses of desert wine we strolled to the tiny couch in front of the gargantuan plasma screen. Then…it happened. It’s basically what I dread, the second date kiss. I’ve been known to bob and weave, accidentally trip, anything in order to dodge the terrifying second date kiss. BUT...this time, I was going to go for it. My date had been married for over 24 years. I expected a tried and true well rehearsed kiss.

Seconds after our lips touched, with the focus of a pit bull, the doctor began to attempt to suck every last drop of blood OUT of my lower lip. I couldn’t believe it. The sheer pain of it. I moved, adjusted, pulled back and in ever other manner tried to shake him loose.

If you can visualize, me pulling away from his face…my lower lip stretching out between us because HE WON’T LET GO OF IT. I pondered for a second, maybe this is some new technique... but my eyes started tearing up… I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to pull away.

You don’t think it ends there, do you? It gets better.

After extricating myself and tracing my lips with my fingers to check for blood, Doctor Cop-a-feel looked at me quite seriously and exclaimed, “Are you breasts real?”

I tilted my head to the side like a dog responding to a high-pitched whistle and replied, “…yes”.

Then, in a moment that I replay in my head in slow motion, the man reached out his hand and grabbed my right breast. This was no fondle or any other manner of caress, it was a grab. “Yes, you are right, they are real” he said.

My mind was in a swirl. I didn’t know how to behave. Panic makes me very calm so I looked him square in the eye and said, “I cannot believe that you just grabbed my breast”.

Smiling a wry grin and with a considerable Indian accent he retorted, “It’s O.K. I’m a doctor”.

I confess I laughed out loud.

Then I went home.

The next morning in the mirror brushing me teeth I noticed, I had a bruise on my lip. Doctor Cop-a-feel gave me my first lip hicky. Wha the?

Restaurant Date ReviewSapphire Laguna This is the place to see and be seen. Formerly The Pottery Barn. Just try to get a reservation on Friday night. Go ahead. Try. The vibe is cool and casual. Lot's of locals. It almost feels like 230 Forest which is my other favorite local spot. I had the braised short rib atop a potato puree with little pieces of carmalized turnip and carrot. The short rib was lightly perfumed with clove or allspice and melted off the bone. Dr. Cope-a-feel had the Pan-Seared Barramundi which was ok. Mine was better. Next time I'll try the lamb. Yum.
Posted by Charmaine at 11:54 AM


Stephanie said...

If it makes you feel better, I've had a similar 'kiss' experience. Actual swelling and bruising. He told me, "I am going to give you a very passionate kiss now." Um - who gives these guys permission to be vampires?!?!

JIMSIGHT said...

Sounds similar to an exerience I had once with leech.

Dr. Leeches I presume?

Hirudotherapy (from Latin hirudo-leech) is known since ancient times. Along with the general bloodletting, it has been considered as a necessary remedy in treatment for different diseases.

Charmaine said...

Kissing should not involve pain. That's all I'm gonna say.

:-) Lordy