Monday, October 6, 2008

Are Men Homing Pigeons?


Are men pigeons? Must they come home to roost? Um...or are those chickens? (Insert proper poultry reference here.)

Vern called and asked to see me.

He had arrived on my doorstep twice last week. Both times "Evil Surfer Dude" was in the house. I shushed Vern away. "Evil" accused me of infidelity. I'm the wrong girl to accuse wrongly. What they say about jealousy is true. It pushes you away. So...

I let Vern come over. I let him come over because he called to remind me of the Sandcastle competition on my beach yesterday. He remembered that I like this stuff. He did not try to join me, merely reminded me. "Evil" knew this too. He didn't call, but he was expecting me to arrive at his house. I stood him up.

Vern arrived. It was awkward. We walked to the beach to see if any Sandcastles survived the night. Some did. Then we drove to Laguna Beach. It was a gloriously sunny day. We decadently had a margarita at Las Brisas overlooking the ocean in the middle of the afternoon on a Monday. He wanted to tell me something.

I'm not a particularly warm or sentimental woman. But when I saw Vern's lower lip tremble my heart sank. I will never forget the pain on his face. He grew silent, the way one grows silent before they cry. I reached out and squeezed his leg.

It was what I suspected, but had forgotten. The night we broke up, we had gone to a birthday party. At the party a man had asked the birthday girl to marry him.

Vern and I fought that night. When I left his house he screamed "You're timing could not be worse.!"

I'd had my suspicions at the time. He confirmed them. He had planned to ask me to marry him that night.

We returned to my house. Then, as if reading my mind, he asked "Would you like to go to Gulfstream and share your favorite salad?" Vern remembers what I like. I thought, "Praise Jesus. Normal food, there will be vegetables and wine tonight. Thank you God".
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We walked to the restaurant which was really fun and took 5 minutes tops. I don't know why I've never done it before. By this time we were holding hands. But it was for old times sake. The place was packed so we found a seat at the bar to dine. Vern was happy, he introduced himself to the bartender and shook his hand. He introduced me too as if we were celebrities.
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I needed this encounter to pull me out of Evil's evil grasp. The last time I was with Evil I had to threaten to get out of the car to force him to buy me a frozen yogurt. Seriously. He did it, then 10 minutes of silent treatment to make me "pay" for making him do it.

This encounter with Vern doesn't change a thing. Still it's nice to know that he wanted to marry me. Tonight, he hinted at marriage again...testing my response.

I should get an award. An award for saying "no" to more proposals then a woman has a right to expect.
Nancy Reagen suggested that we, "just say no". Dear God, am I a Republican?

17 comments:

JIMSIGHT said...

Sounds more like a buzzard than a homeing pigeon.

Can't you just put "The Vern" and "The Evil Surfer Dude" on the beach, they can have a sandcaslte build off to see who wins your heart. LOL..damn no one called me either.
I love those things...ever been to the one in San Fran, used to be at Aquatic Park, got so huge they moved it to Ocean Beach..

Charmaine said...

Ha ha. A beach sandcastle duel.

I also love those sidewalk chalk painting competitions. Ever see one?

JIMSIGHT said...

It could be quite a colorful event
"The Black Knight Evil Surfer Dude of Carlsbad" vs "Sir The Vern le Scruffy Dude"

I have been to the sidewald chalk festival in Belmont Shore and one in Savanah Georgia. I think they are both in April...must be so the rain can wash them away like a Buddhist sand painting.

Michelle J said...

Oh my goodness, you are one popular dude!! (i call everyone dude even my mom). So, what are you up to?? Dating and phone calls and homing men!! You know, sometimes i just wanna be alone! It's easier and sometimes more fun!! Ya think???

Charmaine said...

Michelle,

I am 47 years old and I call people dude, even in business meetings. It just slips out. I consider it a term of endearment made only more hilarious by my advanced age.

I was "carded" today buying a bottle of wine at Trader Joes. I showed the cashier my license and said, "I am probably the only woman you've carded today who was simulateously having a hot flash". hee hee

Let me just tell you, the instantaneous bonding you will experience, when you get older, with middle aged women when you discuss hormones or hot flashes...will blow your mind.

Charmaine said...

Jim,

Maybe you and I are actually the same person? Proceed to the safe place (bubble) to discuss further.

JIMSIGHT said...

I am in the bubble...LOL...dear lord your not sucking me into a seven year dinner are you...ahahahahah

Charmaine said...

Jim,

That was a wise comment. I would have said the same thing, if I were you.

I don't want another 7 year dinner. I don't ever want to do that again.

I wasted my time. But that's not my crime. I wasted another mans time...I will never do it again.

JIMSIGHT said...

See comments in the bubble. I doubt the time was wasted, even recently when I had my heart broken with Double 00Nancy I still cherish the time we had together. Its all perception and acceptance.

SSP said...

why did you take your post down? are you ok??

Charmaine said...

ssp,

Oh yes I'm FINE. Thanks so much for asking.

I took it down because it was sloppy. I want to re-write it, shorten it and give it more punch and less pathos. I'd been up all night, delerious with lack of sleep and...sloppy.

Michelle J said...

Hi Charmaine, i just wanted to tell you i read your post that you took down and it made me sad a little!! Your such a great gal, i don't like to see you hurting so please don't!!!!

Charmaine said...

Michelle,

You're a pretty great gal yourself. I've noticed.

I can't begin to thank you for noticing that post. I will indeed put it back up after I clean it up a bit. I just have to revisit it and make sure that I don't hurt anyone in the process, like my baby sis.

It's hard to tell if too much truth will help or hurt. I'm leaning towards truth. I'm interested in if you agree?

SSP said...

truth is good. i was sad to read it as well...it was insightful, and beautiful in a piercing way. hope you got some sleep....

Michelle J said...

Oh for sure, i always go with truth!! Why not?? If it hurts, it hurts and then you move on!! If it helps, then you know for sure you said the right things. Of course you do not want to hurt people intentionally but dear Charmaine, wouldn't you always want to know or acknowledge the truth??? I know i do!!!

Be well my friend!! I care!

Briana said...

I am starting to think that my inability to access the internet of late has left me out of an important loop. What is this post that disappeared, and, more importantly, why might it hurt your baby sis? You can tell me ANYTHING. Trust me. You know I have already heard worse from our mother!

Charmaine said...

I was being dramatic. In the post I mentioned Erin and her suicide attempt. Nothing on these silly blogs could hurt either of us...duh. :-)