Do you ever wake and and say, "Ah shit" out loud?
Not "Oh" shit.
"Ah" shit.
There's a difference. The "Ah" implies embarassment as opposed to surprise. The nuances of profanity. (Sounds like a book title?)
Yea so. I had a fight with The King on the phone. It was entirely my fault. I went psycho. (It's important to own your inner psycho.) Seriously, I did, go psycho. (Hangs head in shame.)
It was one of those, um...I don't know what? Maybe it was one of those "he's not that into you" situations. Not having developed skills to deal with such a scenario because it's never happened to me...I went psycho. (No I don't think I'm "all that" I just generally date men that adore me. You know...little ugly gnomes and such. They are very loyal and devoted creates really.)
I need to revert back to the guy that does not conceal his adoration. It helps me relax....so I don't have to worry. I'm very embarassed. You should have heard what I said to the man.
Here's the way I'm gonna look at it: "Psycho" It was a new hat, I tried it on. I didn't like it.
Miss? Can I try on the red one in the corner?
(Sales girl turns around to get the red hat. Charmaine runs to the edge of store, grabs the psycho hat and puts it on whispering...just one one more time. Arg.)
Today it's beach games (maybe a boat ride) and lunch followed by The Dance of Love (not really) with the Argentinian. I've got a double header.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Man Summary
The one (1) day I fail to wear make-up to the Laundry Matt the entire Newport Beach Fire Department arrives? Ahhh.
A 35 year old fire man asked me out anyway. He had a patch over one eye. He was likely blind in the other.
Now I know what I want: (Thank you Paul for making me actually think about it.) A real man who doesn't let me push him around, holds me accountable but admires me. He's brave. He is kind and desires a woman who isn't a weakling.
1. The Matador asked to go dancing tonight. I said "yes" then rescheduled.
2. Thursday morning Evil apppeared ON HIS KNEES, literally on his knees, outside on my front doorstep with a Cappuccino in one hand and a Frisbee in the other.
3. Chris, a man who really cares, asked me if I am still moving to Denver or if I merely sowing final oats before my departure?
5. Pool Boy will soon be returning from Italy. We committed to having dinner "the second date". We'll see what happens.
Conclusion: I've never dated so much. I've never felt so desired and confused. WTF? Am I secreting some kind of love hormone? Odd because, I just learned, I no longer have hormones.
I guess they didn't test for Testosterone.
A 35 year old fire man asked me out anyway. He had a patch over one eye. He was likely blind in the other.
Now I know what I want: (Thank you Paul for making me actually think about it.) A real man who doesn't let me push him around, holds me accountable but admires me. He's brave. He is kind and desires a woman who isn't a weakling.
1. The Matador asked to go dancing tonight. I said "yes" then rescheduled.
2. Thursday morning Evil apppeared ON HIS KNEES, literally on his knees, outside on my front doorstep with a Cappuccino in one hand and a Frisbee in the other.
3. Chris, a man who really cares, asked me if I am still moving to Denver or if I merely sowing final oats before my departure?
5. Pool Boy will soon be returning from Italy. We committed to having dinner "the second date". We'll see what happens.
Conclusion: I've never dated so much. I've never felt so desired and confused. WTF? Am I secreting some kind of love hormone? Odd because, I just learned, I no longer have hormones.
I guess they didn't test for Testosterone.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The Cure
I'm cured. I can feel my leg.
The Matador took me to a sports Chiropractor. (Is looking for love a sport?) The man cured me with crazy contraptions one of which was a gigantic black vibrating thing. I said, "Don't you DARE come near me with that thing." He laughed.
Guess who was to blame for my paralyzed right leg?
You guessed it. It was the King.
The Chiropractor advised the "problem" was my left hip. Huh? Did you run into something, like a desk perhaps, about a week ago?"
"Uh...No." I replied. (I did however run into The King.)
In talking to "The King" he reminded me that he'd carried me to my bedroom, ya know, before I slapped him. You can't do that without smashing my head, (in this case hip) against the door jam. I told him that I since I got old I can't remember a thing. He said said since he met me me he can't remember where he is or whether or not he has kids. (He does.)
Then the Matador took me to lunch. When he picked me up he stopped his car in the middle of the street. He rushed around to open the door. He is very good looking and full of Argentinian bravado. I saw my neighbours. They were are all watching. They stop raking, stop watering the yard, stop everything...to look at us. I thought about blowing kissess...
I was a chatterbox. Either The Matador could care less or he doesn't understand English.
He just stared at my boobs.
The Matador took me to a sports Chiropractor. (Is looking for love a sport?) The man cured me with crazy contraptions one of which was a gigantic black vibrating thing. I said, "Don't you DARE come near me with that thing." He laughed.
Guess who was to blame for my paralyzed right leg?
You guessed it. It was the King.
The Chiropractor advised the "problem" was my left hip. Huh? Did you run into something, like a desk perhaps, about a week ago?"
"Uh...No." I replied. (I did however run into The King.)
In talking to "The King" he reminded me that he'd carried me to my bedroom, ya know, before I slapped him. You can't do that without smashing my head, (in this case hip) against the door jam. I told him that I since I got old I can't remember a thing. He said said since he met me me he can't remember where he is or whether or not he has kids. (He does.)
Then the Matador took me to lunch. When he picked me up he stopped his car in the middle of the street. He rushed around to open the door. He is very good looking and full of Argentinian bravado. I saw my neighbours. They were are all watching. They stop raking, stop watering the yard, stop everything...to look at us. I thought about blowing kissess...
I was a chatterbox. Either The Matador could care less or he doesn't understand English.
He just stared at my boobs.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Big Day
The Matador and I are going to the doctor today. (Not a "real" doctor.)
He's picking me up.
He made the appointment. When we were dancing my leg was numb and I stumbled. No...I was NOT drunk. Okay, maybe a little....
It's still numb.
It wouldn't surprise me if he scooped me up and carried me.
It wouldn't surprise me if he threw down his jacket over a puddle.
...he's the Matador.
Yea...I still have a "thing" for the "King". But the Matador actually DID something. I don't care what you say. All I care about is what you do.
But something is off. I can't put my finger on it. I will. I'll get there. I always do.
He's picking me up.
He made the appointment. When we were dancing my leg was numb and I stumbled. No...I was NOT drunk. Okay, maybe a little....
It's still numb.
It wouldn't surprise me if he scooped me up and carried me.
It wouldn't surprise me if he threw down his jacket over a puddle.
...he's the Matador.
Yea...I still have a "thing" for the "King". But the Matador actually DID something. I don't care what you say. All I care about is what you do.
But something is off. I can't put my finger on it. I will. I'll get there. I always do.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Soft Boiled Eggs
Does anyone eat soft boiled eggs?
I'm so tired of primping.
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm on my last legs. Literally. I mean, I can't feel my right leg. That's why he's taking me to the doctor. But he did it. He made the appointment...all by himself.
He's trying to be my hero. It's quite sweet really. This will be our second date.
Am I the only one? I think it's considered un-American. I just had two, in dainty china egg cups with toasted wheat bread slathered with butter and honey cut into strips. Then you dunk them. Eggs and soldiers, is what it's called.
a
I go to the doctor with the Matador today. I need to shower and primp.a
I'm so tired of primping.
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm on my last legs. Literally. I mean, I can't feel my right leg. That's why he's taking me to the doctor. But he did it. He made the appointment...all by himself.
He's trying to be my hero. It's quite sweet really. This will be our second date.
What's Great About Me
The great thing about me is that I get to have all of these feelings. I allow myself. (A recent development.)
I get to fall head over heels in love with a man. Just because I have "feelings" doesn't mean I act on them.
I use my head. I believe my brain, not my heart. My heart is a flat out moron. It wants things it should not and sees things that are not there. (Could someone please get my heart some Lithium...Thorzine perhaps?)
Hell I don't know. What do I look like? A brain surgeon?
That's all I have for you.
Tomorrow I'm gonna put on some sparkly lipstick and be fine.
I get to fall head over heels in love with a man. Just because I have "feelings" doesn't mean I act on them.
I use my head. I believe my brain, not my heart. My heart is a flat out moron. It wants things it should not and sees things that are not there. (Could someone please get my heart some Lithium...Thorzine perhaps?)
Hell I don't know. What do I look like? A brain surgeon?
That's all I have for you.
Tomorrow I'm gonna put on some sparkly lipstick and be fine.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Matador's Kill
Matadors kill bulls. Gigantic, cluessless animals.
I'm not cynical.
I'm pretty optimistic. Even in the face of destruction. (It's the liquor.)
But my "con man" light just came on. (It's next to the brake light.) I've never been vulnerable. "The King" left me feeling vulnerable. Heart cracked open.
Something isn't right. The Argentinian (Matador) is trying too hard. He made an appointment with his sports doctor to look at my leg. (It went numb. I stumble when I walk.) Or is he just being "the man"?
He calls me "baby".
He talks funny.
He's too handsome.
His Mercedes is too old. I know, that's a terrible thing to say. One of the buttons on his shirt was cracked. He thinks because I live in Corona Del Mar that I'm rich.
I'll tell him I'm a pauper.
Then we'll find out.
I'm not cynical.
I'm pretty optimistic. Even in the face of destruction. (It's the liquor.)
But my "con man" light just came on. (It's next to the brake light.) I've never been vulnerable. "The King" left me feeling vulnerable. Heart cracked open.
Something isn't right. The Argentinian (Matador) is trying too hard. He made an appointment with his sports doctor to look at my leg. (It went numb. I stumble when I walk.) Or is he just being "the man"?
He calls me "baby".
He talks funny.
He's too handsome.
His Mercedes is too old. I know, that's a terrible thing to say. One of the buttons on his shirt was cracked. He thinks because I live in Corona Del Mar that I'm rich.
I'll tell him I'm a pauper.
Then we'll find out.
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