Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Perils of Love

Is love a fancy or a feeling? 

Our friend Hartley Coleridge penned a sonnet beginning with this very question. 

At first I asked, why doesn't love listen to warning signs, red flags, bells or whistles?  Is love totally deaf, blind and handicapped? (If so, love is a poor bastard indeed.) Love wants what it wants.   Like a greedy child, it sometimes reaches for innapropriate mates to cure itself from some former injury.

We have all fallen prey to love's selfish, misguided desires.

I've decided love is not an emotion but rather a choice the mind makes. 

Sometimes we choose people that mirror a dysfunctional situation we experienced as children.  In choosing someone similar to a distant father or critical mother we inadvertently re-create a similar adults we try to "fix" it.

It doesn't work.  We can't fix the past. 

The day I finally got a job, after almost a year of unemployment, love took off and left me stranded.

Without so much as a word he disappeared. 

Previously, I'd had alot of time for love.  I focused on it, coddled it, cooked for it, sacrificed, forgave and re-adjusted to make room for it.

I turned love into a spoiled child.

Was it love or a masquerade?

Hell if I know.  I only know that love won't abandon you when things are difficult.  It won't run out because you can't pat it on the head every 10 seconds.  Love is a sustainable absolute choice no one can chase away.

Was I in love or duped by a masquerader?  (A masquerader can trick you if you're not paying attention.) I won't trash the man.  I was in love with the masquerader.  What's a girl to do?  I'm thinking...go Paddle Boarding.
This is what paddle boarding looks like. I WON'T be wearing a bikini. 

As for my guy, I have one thing to say:

Disappearing acts are for cowards...and tricks are for kids.

Sonnet VII
By Hartley Coleridge

Is love a fancy, or a feeling? No.
It is immortal as immaculate Truth,
'Tis not a blossom shed as soon as youth,
Drops from the stem of life--for it will grow,
In barren regions, where no waters flow,
Nor rays of promise cheats the pensive gloom.
A darkling fire, faint hovering o'er a tomb,
That but itself and darkness nought doth show,
It is my love's being yet it cannot die
Nor will it change, though all be changed beside;
Though fairest beauty be no longer fair,
Though vows be false, and faith itself deny,
Though sharp enjoyment be a suicide,
And hope a spectre in a ruin bare.


Mike said...

Big congrats on getting the job. I know it's been awhile. Sad to hear that he's gone. Lastly, are you sure you don't want to wear the bikini? I think there is a regulation some where about wearing one.

♥ Braja said...

Get a bikini. You know you want to...

♥ Braja said...

Get a bikini. You know you want to...

Vicki said...

Ha, sounds like my past love life! Maybe that's why I've chose to be single for way too many years...
Good post~

easternsparkle said...

Good news about the job - shame the feeling has been spoiled by the other news though - don't forget to post the pictures of the paddle boarding - whaever you end up wearing ;)

Ann's Rants said...

Wow, Braja really wants you to get a bikini.

It sucks that we have to pay such a high price for loving--one way or another.

sam said...

Long time reader, never left a comment.

Congratulations on your new job! What will you be doing?

webberpa said...

Love is either a many-splendored thing or a trick that God plays on us, just for the fun of it. And who needs a bikini, anyway? Go natural!

Charmaine said...

Noooo. I'm NOT getting a bikini.

My surfer dude paddle board instructor took one look at me and said, "Dude, I'm totally staying with you because your toothpick arms suggest you're gonna need some extra help."

I may not have been the fastest paddler...but I did it. And...I'm gonna do it again!!!

Anita said...

Congrats on the job, and I'm so sorry about the guy!
Very well written, as usual! I have long known what you wrote about why we sometimes chose who we chose, but could never have said it so eloquently. That is why you are a muse to so many.

HOA Mgr Lady said...

I just read a quote that in effect says... you can shield your heart and never ever get hurt again but doing so places you in Hell. Hmmmmm
Congrats on the new job... yes what will you be doing? I once had an admin. assistant quit the company I owned because she didn't have enough exposure to men and she wanted to get married again. I thought that was so interesting and brave! I often have wodnered if she was successful in her quest to mix work and romance.

Charmaine said...

Mike - Thanks.

Braja - This body will Never EVA see another bikini.

Vicki - Yup, I've never had a man disappear on me. He must have done a credit check on me.

Eastern - I accidentally deleted the pictures. I could kick myself. I'll have to do it again.

Ann - Our relationship was like a roller coaster.

Sam - Welcome to the Middle Aged dating show!

Webber - You men are trippy. But I still love ya.

Ruth - I am an event planner. It's like being a party planner on crack. As you can imagine...there a very few men in this industry. If they are...they're gay.

I learned alot from my year with my guy. I learned that I could love someone and if he took off (as he did) it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Anita - You are a sweetie pie.

Irish Gumbo said...

Congratulations on the job!

As to love? My dear, you hit it squarely on the head, and with much force.

I bow to you, and raise a glass *clink*

Charleen said...

Yayyyyy on your job. Maybe a crate of tomatoes fell on his head, sorrry ass that he is.

Anonymous said...

Well said Charmaine!!

Tomatoaddict said...

You are such a talented writer. You need to write a book Fo sho!!!