Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Woops

It wasn't a guy knocking.  It was my neighbour.  She was worried about me. 

I mean, seriously...

I'm not the type to be a victim of love.  I'm ambivalent, remote and aloof.

The book I'm reading, Blink, purports that peoples' understanding of themselves is often so wrong as to be laughable.  Our self-definition(s) are so manufactured they border on the hilarious.

It means the reverse is true.  I'm vulnerable, I care what people think and I'm plugged into you.

You should have seen me with The King.  My eyes scanned him, up and down, like a lecherous old lady.  I'd start at the top of his bald head then scan down to his calves. I thought he was perfect. Arms, legs, hands...personality, lips and wit.

I hope someone loves me like that someday.  See's me like that.  Head to toe, perfect. They may have, I didn't notice.

It's not healthy to want someone...

It won't happen again.  From now on I'll just pretend to be vulnerable. Like her (the one from Thanksgiving).  She obtained it all, the mansion, someone elses husband...the brass ring.  But still, her house was cold. Trying too hard to be "cool" cold.  Mexican tiles with brown leather sofas cold.  A fireplace with no fire cold.  Ever-Ready fake wood cold. Adultress cold.  No boundaries cold. Looks innocent but isn't cold.

I'm not as intimidated as all that.  I wouldn't want to be her.  I'm not the adultress type.  Plus, I'm more interesting...better read and when I'm not lying, I'm honest.  I'm just not streetwise...like her. And I would never steal your husband.

I'm a Janis Ian song right now.

I may not be happy, but I'm respectable.

The plants are all dying and the house is a wreck.  My cell phone is dead...I'd better do something.

11 comments:

Mike Steelman said...

The last few posts have been interesting - in a good way. What is this book, Blink, sounds like I need to get it.

Char said...

Sorry that you are suffering, but "this too will pass" as they say.

Why did you go to that party anyway, you already knew you didn't like or trust her.

Take care, there are better times ahead for you.

Sharon said...

Skank whore is a better word than beotch. What I mean when I say She has nothing on you. You are an awesome woman of substance, character, and a hot body and mind. She is a skank whore spider weaving a web based on lies. Did the King get sidetracked like a jackass after a skank carrot or are you guys on break after an argument?

Colleen said...

Are you sure you have heard the last from "The King"? He has a way of always resurfacing. Always wishing you only the best. That Thanksgiving lady, my guess is, she is miserable and just hoping everyone is jealous of her but the only people who would be would be the ones who do not have a life. Hoping for the best for Christmas time for you.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I agree with Sharon wholeheartedly. Skank whore!

LL said...

Well my dear Charm... If he was the kind of guy to be swayed by that type of woman... do you really think he was the right type of guy for you?

Train Wreck said...

LL is absoulutley right! Really. You are you. Which makes you so much better than her. Your heart is good, and that my friend is what will lead you and your fella to find each other. Bad things happen to good people, but it will only make you stronger. Because weak evil people can't take the pressure they are soon eliminated. Chin up my friend, he is out there looking for you too. What makes it worth the wait? The fact you both will have put up with so much bullsht that you will appreciate each other so much more. I know it is what happened to me;)Have faith.

Tom Bailey said...

Sometimes people are happier than they might think consider that as a possibility.

You will be getting something from me shortly.

Kindest regards,
Tom Bailey

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Sharon said...

So did you get back together? I know you love him.

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