Year in Review.

I Canyoneered in Utah. I was the fool that attached the backpack straps across my boobs..assuming they were seat belts.

Seatbelts don't work here. Yes, that's me.

I met new friends. I couldn't wait to tell them about the weird Mormons I'd met earlier, like the strawberry blond zombie waitress engaged to the restaurant owner (she pointed him out).  He was already wearing a wedding ring.

"Can you believe these Mormons?" I asked.

"We're Mormons," they replied. 

Driving past our lodge 12 times, we were still unable to find it. We called the innkeeper.  She said, "after the second bend in the road, there is a creek, the road swerves left and then right.  You'll see grass. There is a tree...THAT'S where we are located." "Are you Irish?" I asked.

The view of from my bedroom.

My girlfriend, Linda talked to the animals. Until he spit in her face.  Imagine Saint Bernard drool...times 50.

We hiked.

We experienced rock formations.

I embraced nature.

 Cows were perched in a front yard. I rattled the gate to summon the darling creatures, and was electrocuted... by the fence. I'd like to notify the Psychiatric community: Electroshock does NOT make one less depressed...it makes you want to kill someone.

We became annoyed with Utah, the Mormons, rock formations and high voltage fences.  So we drove to Telluride, CO.  No mormons were in the Gondola we rode to the top of a mountain for dinner. 

I got a new car.  It roars, literally.

I drove to Newport Beach and rented a house with a dock and boat.

I took flying trapeze lessons.

I went four wheeling with my nephew. We raced. 

He won.

I managed a political campaign.  We raced.

They won.

But now I'm on a first name basis with the Mayor.  "Hey Murphy", I say when we cross paths. 

I'm cool like that.