Monday, October 15, 2007

Return of the Vern - A Halloween Story

Alright, I already know what you're going to say. But then again, maybe you don't know me.

In my defense, there is a legitimate reason for the "return of the Vern". It's always the same...

I need a ride to LAX.

There are only two (2) things I can't do. Change a tire and drive myself to LAX.

Vern visited me last weekend after a month long European vacation. He went everywhere, as usual. Vern in Europe brings to mind imagery strongly associated with an episode of The Beverly Hillbillies. Yep, there's Jethro shooting a neighbours cat for "viddles". His belt is up a little too high. And wha? It's made of rope?

That's how I see Vern.

I wasn't that interested as he regaled me with his travels to The Old Course, somewhere in Ireland, Istanbul, England, Italy.....beyond feeling a vague pinch of jealousy. I should be in Europe. Vern should be in Arkansas.

Anyway, he noted that I was dating alot and looked happy. After a couple of days he asked me out for dinner. At dinner I would ask for "the ride". Not the kind of ride he would want, mind you.

We went on a Progressive dinner. We started at Gulfstream in Corona Del Mar for cocktails and appetizers. Then Bamboo Terrace for Sake and more Appetizers. (Awesome). Then we finished at PORT in Corona del Mar.

Vern was always and is still always good for a great dinner with tons of wine little conversation. (Not what you're thinking.)

Tonight I ride to LAX.

I won't see Vern again. Until....well, I find a reliable shuttle service.

Final thought: Please God, don't ever let the men I date find my blog. Amen.


P.O.M. said...

Oh girl. Seriously. Can't one of "los otros" drive you to the airport? Or better yet, fly out of OC. Doy.

Charmaine said...

Can't fly out of OC. Yea...I guess you're right. I could have asked "Southern Comfort". He doesn't appear to have anything ELSE to do.

Amanda said...

Its always nice to have a friend in your life you can count on. Vern doesn't have to be your bed buddy, just the person who takes you to the airport and picks you up, especially at LAX (cause you know ain't none of us driving to LAX on a weekend for you) lol. Oh and lets not forget, he's the person who lets you wash your clothes for free at his place. :-)

Carolyn Burns Bass said...

Is Vern the guy who accompanied you to the Irish bash at the Hilton last year?

I had a Vern once. I always called him when I needed the use of his truck. Then I married a guy with a truck and didn't need my Vern any more.

Briana said...

I've known 2 Verns. One was our dad's alcoholic friend who crawled on our kitchen floor to the liquor cabinet until I stopped him. The other was a nice young man of African-American descent who thought I was the bomb! Yeah, didn't really like either one.

Charmaine said...

Briana and Carol,

I just love you guys.

Briana, I remember that guy too. He came over one day and mom made me take him to the mall. He was a freak. Thank God, at our core, we are ass kicking Irish chicks. Anyone else, might be in therapy by now. said...

"Vern should be in Arkansas."

Hey! I live in Arkansas!

Which reminds me of something I heard one night while channel surfing. I landed on The Tonight Show and Jay Leno was doing his opening monologue.

I don't remember the joke, but the punch line was, "They have computers in Arkansas?"

Yup. Electricity and indoor plumbing too!