I went to my friend's husband's birthday party. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Tom...I know you read this blog. Sneaky bastard.
I looked like crap. I recently became older, like John McCaine's wife. My feet are swelling. I can't afford a pedicure. I'd smeared drops of red polish on my swollen toes...dismissing the baby ones because..I can't see them.
The party was in full swing when I arrived.
A little tot ran up to me and delivered a hug remembering me from Thanksgiving. (Brilliant child.)
The adorable girl and I played a game. The game was called, "Say what Auntie Charmaine tells you to say." It's a delightful game.
She tugged on Toms sleeve, "Uncle Tom, did your hair ever have color in it?"
She said hilarious things. (It's wrong to exploit a child, but man it was funny).
It stopped being funny when I told her to ask a fella with a pot belly, "Are you in your first or second trimester?"
After talking politics with Tom's brother (nobody but me participated) the conversation waned. I picked up a baseball glove and asked, "Does anyone want to play catch?"
Myself and the men hit the grass. I was in high heels but gave them a run for their money. "Jeez, Charmaine packs some heat!" Rick said.
"Welcome to the gun show", I said kissing my biceps. (My arms are toothpicks)
As Tom threw the ball across the field to his brother I yelled, "Does this remind you of when you were a kid?" He replied, "Actually it does."
Later, when the brothers departed, I tried to leave. Tom said, "Oh no, you're not going anywhere." It gave Linda (his wife and my favorite person) a chance to chat.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know what it's like when a single women visits married people. There is love, warmth, children and honorable men.
There was a neighbour. "I like your toe nail polish", he said. "Ahh, don't look at my feet!" I demurly screamed. He followed me to my car and said, "The next time you drop by I'll give you a flower for that bud vase inside your Beetle. I see you have a Turbo." (He used to race cars.)
"That's right", I said. My orb shaped vehicle is deceptively aero-dynamic. If you want to race, prepare to lose.
"You're spunky", he said.
"Not really", I replied.
Then I drove away.