Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Jesus Christ

This is not a post about the Lord.

I was almost home, stuck in a traffic when I saw him. 

Motorcyle cop at 6:00 o'clock (behind me). "Maybe he won't notice my plates?" I optimistically mused. 

Flashing lights.

Me:  "Hi officer, I know why you pulled me over."
Police:  "Oh really, why?"
Me:  "Because you want a date to the Policeman's ball?"
Police:  "No, that's not it."
Me:  "Then there must be some mistake".
Police:  "You're a funny woman."
Me:  "Yea, so they say".
Police:  "I spotted you way back on Iris Street."
Me:  "Oh, so now your following me?  You must really be desperate. 
Police: License and registration please. Why is your registration expired?"
Me:  Cuz I'm broke. 
Police:  "So times are tough eh?"  (Sencing I might be able to capitalize on this...)
Me:  "Oh yes, tough tough tough. He was cute so I scanned his ring finger. But I sensed a certain stupidity.
Me:  "I could never marry a stupid man."
Police:  Parden me?
Me:  "Nothing."
Police:  Where were you coming from? 
Me:  "A meeting with Al Kaida." I knew he wasn't listening.
Police:  "Your registration is expired AND you're not wearing your seatbelt."
Me:  "Shit."  "I mean, Shiate...uh, Muslim.  What about those Shiates officer?"
Police:  "AND your license is expired."
Me: "Wha the Fuc..uh...dge.  Fudge.  Oh hell... just shoot me."


Char said...

After that conversation, you're lucky that he didn't shoot you. Funny!

Charlene said...

You say the kind of things that just run through my head. I am so weak!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

LOL!!! Woozers.

darsden said...

OMGosh.....you should have tried that crying thing! ;-)

SSP said...

dammit to hell, I hate that Charmaine!! not that i am a cop killah, but i just loathe authority. Maybe if you had asked HIm out....

Senorita said...

Aaaaw ! I hope he let you off easy, although that's doubtful.

HOA Mgr Lady said...

OMGosh he could have had your car towed and taken you to jail! YIKES I can't imagine what kind of a ticket that will be (fine) or did he give you a fix it ticket?

Don said...

Ok, I like bad jokes as much as anyone in the country. How did your lousy joke work for you?

And how did the dumb-ass act work? Don't call me for sympathy.

Charmaine said...

Char - He didn't shoot me.

Charlene - I have tyretts (can't spell) syndrome when I'm nervous. The things I say...

Tee aka - hello.

darsden - Wha? ME cry? I don't think so.

SSP - It's weird but I kinda like cops. They are often simplistic, many are corrupt but alot of the guys are decent and trying to be protective. So...this cop was protecting the city from...uh...my expired plates.

Senorita - Nice to see ya again.

HOA - My license expired two weeks ago...there must be a grace period that protected me.

Don - What's wrong with you? I didn't act dumb. I AM dumb. hee hee

LL said...

Yeah... dumb like a vixen...

You've got to remember, Cali's hurting for funds so they're going to nail anyone they can for anything they can. Easier than raising taxes...

I've never actually figured out the need for license, reg, and all that other crap except for fundage.

Briana said...

Remember when I had just bought my adorable little blue convertible bug, was stopped for speeding and the 2 cops approached the car on each side with their hands on their guns. (I'm really scary looking)!

I didn't have the registration or insurance since it was new. I didn't even have the purchase contract. I had absolutely no proof of ownership.

I told them that I didn't steal the car. Apparently, they believed me because they let me go with a warning.