The Suburbs

I went to my friend's husband's birthday party.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY Tom...I know you read this blog.  Sneaky bastard.

I looked like crap.  I recently became older, like John McCaine's wife. My feet are swelling.  I can't afford a pedicure.  I'd smeared drops of red polish on my swollen toes...dismissing the baby ones because..I can't see them.

The party was in full swing when I arrived.

A little tot ran up to me and delivered a hug remembering me from Thanksgiving. (Brilliant child.)

The adorable girl and I played a game.  The game was called, "Say what Auntie Charmaine tells you to say." It's a delightful game.

She tugged on Toms sleeve, "Uncle Tom, did your hair ever have color in it?"

She said hilarious things.  (It's wrong to exploit a child, but man it was funny).

It stopped being funny when I told her to ask a fella with a pot belly, "Are you in your first or second trimester?"

After talking politics with Tom's brother (nobody but me participated) the conversation waned.  I picked up a baseball glove and asked, "Does anyone want to play catch?"

Myself and the men hit the grass.  I was in high heels but gave them a run for their money.  "Jeez, Charmaine packs some heat!" Rick said.

"Welcome to the gun show", I said kissing my biceps.  (My arms are toothpicks)

As Tom threw the ball across the field to his brother I yelled, "Does this remind you of when you were a kid?" He replied, "Actually it does."

Later, when the brothers departed, I tried to leave.  Tom said, "Oh no, you're not going anywhere."  It gave Linda (his wife and my favorite person) a chance to chat.

Why am I telling you this?  Because I want you to know what it's like when a single women visits married people. There is love, warmth, children and honorable men.

There was a neighbour.  "I like your toe nail polish", he said.  "Ahh, don't look at my feet!" I demurly screamed.  He followed me to my car and said, "The next time you drop by I'll give you a flower for that bud vase inside your Beetle. I see you have a Turbo." (He used to race cars.)

"That's right", I said.  My orb shaped vehicle is deceptively aero-dynamic. If you want to race, prepare to lose.

"You're spunky", he said.

"Not really", I replied.

Then I drove away.