Crimes of the Heart

There weren't any.  He had no interest in the woman.

Nobody will convince me the blond at Thanksgiving was not flirting with my boyfriend. But flirting is not a crime.

The minute The King read my blog detailing my suspicians about her, he came over, climbed my stairs and declared, "Don't you know you're the only one?"

"No," I retorted. 

"I love you," he said. 

"Yea well," I replied... (I make intellectual remarks like that.) . 

I've been loved by men that never gave me a minutes cause to wonder...where are they now?  Because they thought they loved me, they let me run over them.  I'm not proud of this, I'm just saying I've done it.  I always knew I needed someone stronger.

You never know if you're "the only one" unless there's a ring on your finger.  And even then, you don't know. 

There is a time limit.  Mine is one (1) year.  At my age, years accumulate like dog years.

I don't waste time. One year is reasonable in order to discern character.

We laugh so loud I need to close the windows.

Oh crap...it's raining.  I live in a bungalow with no insulation.  The rain falls on the roof like pebbles crashing upon a tin roof.  Impossible to sleep so...I'll keep talking.

1.  He calls my mother when she is lonely.  He talks to her because I don't want to.  He takes the time.  She adores him. (She doesn't adore anyone.) She is the Patron Saint of irrascible bitches.

2.  He calls my little sister too.  Just to say, "hi".

3.  He fixes my computer and installs my christmas lights.  When I cook, he pays for the ingredients. He washes my dishes (he LOVES washing dishes). He fixes my light fixtures. He can, literally, fix anything.  It's miraculous. He even helps my neighbours.  It makes me proud.

Like I'm gonna let a guy that loves to wash dishes get away? 

4.  When we go to a neighbours house for a party he is charming and jovial.  He makes comments about my beauty, jokingly.  He always holds my hand where ever we go.  He kisses my hand.  As a duo, my neighbours are endlessly fascinated.

5.  He'll watch Gone with the Wind with you.  He cries at films depicting families experiencing heart break.  He's impressed by the fact my father was an Eagle Scout. (Of course I love that about him.)

6. His father calls him every night.  His Uncle calls him every day.  He is present and available to his family. 

7.  He does NOT take any of my shit.  And people, you don't know, I can be irrational and attacking. He doesn't retaliate...he simply walks away. He arrives at the doorstep with a handfull of band-aids.  He drops them into my hand and says, "I knew we could patch things up."

He goes for the laugh, perhaps to hide the pain and fear, like I do.  I understand this.  It's who I am.

I haven't had an easy life. I tend to look for the worst, expect the worst...see the worst.

This strategy has worked well.  It's helped me maintain ambivalence in every relationship.

It's not a good thing. 

I have to challenge my misconceptions, see the worst and move past the negatives I invent in my mind.  That is, if I am ever to experience happiness.  I can't run away.

Don't try to protect me. I'm no shrinking violet. 

Whenever I differentiate myself from a doormat, people call me a "bitch".  When I fail to judge, people call me a "doormat". 

If I cared what people thought...I'd be in trouble.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBiGrHc0Xy4