I See Dead People

I’m dating a wonderful man..
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I admire him. (That doesn't happen every day.)
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He looked up my father on the Internet, who was born in Minnesota… where he was born. He was trying to figure out if we were related.
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He was impressed by the fact my father was an Eagle Scout and Aerospace Engineer.
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I miss my father.
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I remember looking at the front door, expecting him to walk in.

He wouldn't.  He couldn't.

I can still see the hospital room…and the Cardiologist. I could pick him out in a line-up. I can't find my car keys, but I can draw a picture of his face. He killed my dad. He didn't mean to.

I grilled him for 2 hours and he endured it.

My mother, sisters, friends and neighbors fled to the corners of the waiting room, crying, after the Cardiologist emerged through swinging doors to say, “We did all we could”.

I stayed with him.

The man that watched my father die drew diagrams with a blue pen on his green scrub pant legs in response to my endless questions. I could not release him from the converstation until I obtained his confession.

"During the Angiogram we hit a plaque formation...it caused a massive heart attack" he said."Yes, your father was watching on the monitor, Yes he knew. Yes, his death is a result of the procedure." 

I was 20 years old.

I launched a lawsuit. Back then, malpractice was unheard of. Nobody helped.  Plus I was trying to study for my English Lit class…I failed despite the fact I am terrific at English Literature.I started failing everything...My 4.0 turned into "we regret to inform you" letters.

Nobody noticed.

I was too young to save my father.

I’m not too young anymore.
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I saved my mother from a sea of doctors. They declared she would be dead in a month due to her particular cancer.
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I fired them, called in cancer specialists, monitored her medications and met with her physicians. I made sure they knew I was watching. I hired a watchdog organization to oversee things when I wasn’t there. I flirted and threatened. I showed her how to use her feeding tube with tears slipping from my left eye. It worked. She's not dead.
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An Eagle Scout raised me.
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By example, he taught me how to do the right thing.

I couldn't save him.  I saved his wife instead.