Sir Talk-Alot

Sir Talk-Alot had a great voice, deep, authoritative and friendly. His phone messages were fantastic. He was practising the always popular, I'm-lowering-my-voice-by-one-octave-on-the-phone-so -you-think-I'm-manly technique. I think it's cute when men do that.

He's 48 and owns an investment firm. He was previously a Motivational Speaker.

I believe it. I've hired plenty.

In our first conversation, however, I became irritated. In planning our date it became clear that he intended to spend the entire day together.

This sent bolts of panic down my spine.

He suggested we meeting for coffee, stroll on the beach, drive over and hop on a gondola for some wine and cheese followed by dinner.

I met him at my local Starbucks.

He rushed to meet me in the middle of the crosswalk for a hello hug. That was cute. We walked to his filthy dented car. Not so cute.

I soon learned he did not have a gondola reserved. He did not have lunch/dinner or any other manner of reservation. He had no plan what-so-ever.

I don’t mind taking charge but not after a man tells me he has it under control.

The irony is that I’m a planner by profession. But honestly, I don’t like to plan a first date.

I know I'll come up with a thrilling surprise, like trapeze lessons, then the guy will show up with the prosthetic arm he forgot to mention.

I maneuvered the date from beginning to end. I began…turn left and lets take the car Ferry to Balboa Peninsula. Turn right. Park. Walk this way. Look up there, how about lunch at Newport Landing? Good? Good.

During lunch he told me his life story. All 48 years worth. Now, there is nothing wrong with that. Really there isn't. But there is a problem.

I can’t take my eyes off his yellow teeth.

I can’t even focus on what he’s saying. I’m mesmerized, transfixed, TRAPPED in my own secret world of thoughts about his yellow teeth. And they are playing.. non-stop... in my head.

They sound like this; “In this day and age is there a reason to have yellow teeth? Why does he have yellow teeth? Why are they so pointy? Weird. He looks like a werewolf” He’s talking about his first wife now…. I’m thinking, "All you have to do is go to the drug store for Plus White. It costs, $5.00 bucks? Does he not have $5.00 bucks?” He’s telling me about his terrific kids now. They're in the theatre... All I’m hearing is; “He has employees, is it possible that not one has mentioned his yellow teeth as a professional courtesy? I would tell him if I worked for him. But I could never work for someone with such perplexingly pointy teeth. Is that how his wife died? He gave her a"love-bite" and it ended in a blood bath?.

My thoughts cascade down a slippery slope to not-so-very-nice thoughts; “he’s not 5’10” he’s 5’8” why lie about it? Is that a stain on his shirt? Who dresses this man? You get the picture.

Surprisingly the date lasted 3 hours. He asked me out to see Camelot playing in L.A. I said yes. Then I cancelled last night. I'm still pissed off about the Gondola.

I was looking forward to that.


Restaurant Date Review
Newport Landing Oyster Bar and Grill

I used to come here when I lived with Bill (10 year man). Frankly, I don't know what I ever saw in the joint. But I was younger then. It has live music and is a seafood restaurant. I thought the fish sucked. Have I mentioned that I am a food snob? Snobs aren't actually supposed to use the word "sucked" when critiqueing restaurants. But I do. Cuz I'm special.
http://www.newport-landing.com/